PEDRO: “Pre, graduate na rin tayo kahit na 50 any0s na tayo!”
JUAN: “Awa ng Di0s ‘pre..”
PEDRO: “Pano pre, ngayong graduate na tayo, ano? Tutuloy pa ba tayo sa hayskul?”
TEACHER: Use “pakwan” in a sentence.
JOJO: “sinama ko GF ko sa motel kagabi pero ayaw niya mag pakwan.”
TEACHER: “very funny but this is english class, remember?”
JOHN: “Last night I went out with 2 girls but I was tired so I only pakwan.”
MAN: “Gusto ko mag-open ng puking-inang account sa putang-inang bangkong ito!”
TELLER: “Sir, ang sama ng bibig nyo! Hwag po kayo magmura dito!(nagsumbong sa Manager)
MANAGER:”Sir, ano po bang problema?”
MAN: “Putang-ina naman e! Sabi ko mag-oopen ako ng puking-inang account sa putang-inang bangkong ito kasi nanalo ako ng P200M sa lotto!”
MANAGER:”Ah ok. At pinapahirapan po ba kayo nitong puking-inang teller na ito?”
A guy at a supermart’s check-out counter and the cashier asked him “paper or plastic?” and he said “Uh…paper I guess.”
Then cashier said your total is 50 bucks.
Man took out his wallet and said, “Real or Counterfeit?”:D
GAL: “I have had sex with 4 boys & you have done it with 8 girls, still everybody calls me a SLUT & calls you a REAL MAN.Please explain. ”
BOY: “Very simple. When a lock is opened by many keys, it becomes a BAD LOCK. But when a key opens many locks, it becomes a MASTER KEY!” ðŸ˜€
Man and wife were in the living room discussing a “Living Will.”
Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happen, just pull the plug.”
Wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.
3 businessmen were having dinner at a a resto. When it came to pay the check, each grabbed for it.
“It’s a business expense,” said one.
“I’ll pay,” said the second, “I’m on cost plus.”
“Let me have it,” pleaded the third. “I’m filing for insolvency next week.”
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE