SMS Jokes 119

Mga SWAT at PNP wala kulang talaga sa training.. Ganito tuloy ang labas:

S-ugod
W-ait
A-tras
T-akbo

P-uro
N-a lang
P-apogi

oOo

HONEYMOON:
WIFE: “First time mo ba talaga, honey? Bakit ang galing mo?”
HUSBAND: “Hayop ka! kung first ka rin, bakit alam mo na magaling ako?

oOo

(Sa isang waiting shed sa tondo, 11:30pm)
TAMBAY: “Miss wag kang kikilos ng masama!”
MISS: “Ba, ba, baket po..?”
TAMBAY: “Kasi bad yun, ok?ingat…”

oOo

BABY JAMES: “Dad, what’s between Mom’s legs?”
JAMES: “PARADISE”
BABY JAMES: “What’s between your legs?”
JAMES: “Key to Paradise”
BABY JAMES: “Dad, change LOCK, neighbour has DUPLICATE Key”

oOo

When ONE woman loves you, you are a husband.
When FEW women love you, you are a man.
When MANY women love you, you are a lover.
When HUNDREDS of women love you, you are an idol.
When THOUSANDS of women love you, you are a hero.
When MILLIONS of women love you, you are a leader…
When ALL d women in the world love you, you are NOT HUMAN….. you are either a diamond or US$, Euro, RMB, yen or a credit card.
When NO woman loves you, you are a not a man, you are semi-man or semi-woman!

oOo

LAWYER: “Is it true you accepted money to lose this case?” (witness didn’t answer)
JUDGE: “Witness, please answer the question!”
WITNESS: “Your honor, i thought he was talking to you!”

oOo

REPORTER: “Sir, ano sa tingin mo ang propesyon na malakas kumita ngayon?”
PACQUIAO: “Tatlo lang. Drug Lord, Gambling Lord at Praise the Lord…’yon lang!”

oOo

Swerte ang mga teachers.
Ang lawyer kung magkamali preso ang kliyente.
Ang Doktor kung magkamali patay pasyente.
Ang engineer kung magkamali colapse ang building.
Ang teacher kung magkamali erase d board lang.

oOo

The barber’s client looked depressed, so the barber told him, “Cheer up. I know a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn’t pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around and gave him the amount he needed. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff’s edge.”
“Incredible,” said the client. “Who were these kind people?”
“The passengers on the bus!”

oOo

TAGALOG VERSiONS
CHAiR=SALUMPUWiT
WHEELCHAiR=SALUMPO
BRA=SALUMSUSO
ARTHRiTiS=SALUMPAS
ViNEGAR=SALUMPiA

oOo

ABS-CBN aired a footage of a suspected holdupper being tortured by Sen. Insp. Joselito Binayug.
Reactions by:
DOJ Sec. Leila de Lima: ‘That’s ghastly!’
Mayor Alfredo Lim: ‘That’s inhumane!’
Maj. Gen Jovito Palparan: ‘That’s my boy!’

oOo

A couple got married, & it was the groom’s family tradition that the best man had the first dance with the bride.
This happened but then they danced a 2nd time. And a third. By the 4th time, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out and all guests were hauled off to jail.
At an inquest the judge asked the best man what happened.
“Your honor, we were dancing and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.”
“That must have hurt,”
said the judge.
You bet,” said the best man, “I broke three fingers.”

oOo

At the end of a pleasant business with pleasure deal:
MAN:”It was my pleasure doing business withy0u, Ms. Sexy lady.”
WOMAN: “0h, thank you. It was my business doing pleasure for y0u,sir!

oOo

You can tell a woman your most intimate feelings in only a few words:
Will you go out with me? (6 words)
I’ll be there for you! (5 words)
I care for you! (4 words)
I love you! (3 words)
Take care! (2 words)
at
HUBAD! (1 word)!

oOo

The problem with
Pizza,
Pasta,
Burger,
French Fries
is that few moments on your lips but…

forever on your hips…!

oOo

Human Rights Commissioner Coco Quisumbing was allegedly possessed by the spirit of an unidentified former female president of the republic. Ms. Quisumbing went ballistics during a press con last Friday that reporters on the CHR beat are filing a torture complaint!

oOo

A man in hell asked the devil, “Can I make a call to my wife?”
After making the call, he asked how much he owe to pay. Devil replied, “Nothing. Hell to Hell is free.

oOo

Only 2.5 inch is Enough to satisfy a woman’s desire…
Because that’s the length of a Credit Card!

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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