Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante…
GURO: “Ano ‘to?”
ESTUDYANTE: “Prayer ko po, ma’am!”
GURO: “At bakit answers ang nakasulat?”
ESTUDYANTE: “Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!”
oOo
BEGGAR1: “I had a grand dinner at Phil. Plaza yesterday.”
BEGGAR2: “How’s that possible?”
BEGGAR1: “Someone gave me a P1000 note yesterday. I went to the Phil. Plaza and ordered dinner worth P3000, and enjoyed it. When the bill came, I said I had no money. The manager called two policemen and handed me over to them. I gave the P1000 note to the police, and they set me free.”
oOo
Demonyo dumating sa park…
PARI: “Hah! Sa kapangyarihan ko at paniniwala, umalis ka demonyo! Alis!!!”
DEMONYO: “Ayos ah… parang sayo tong park?”
oOo
The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plasterf with lipstick. “I assumed,” she barked, “there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in at 6 o’clock in the morning?”
“There is!” he replied, “Breakfast.”
oOo
Mäkit Chinese lng paläti kidnäp?
Kasi -
päk Pinöy 3gives,
päk Bömbäy 5/6,
päk Amelikänö cledit cäld, pelö
päk Chinese sigülädö.wälä pä issüe lesibö!
oOo
BOY1: “Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish.”
BOY2: “What is more important, heart or mind?”
BOY1: “Spanish”
oOo
An attractive woman in her 30′s was standing at the bar when she turned to the man next to her & purred: “I love the strong silent type.”
Thinking he was being chatted up, he replied: “You mean a man like me?”
“No,” she said moving away, “Farts – like the one I’ve just done.”
oOo
If GMA were President during the hostage drama she’ll sell d Bus @ 150% and give Abalos 1O% commission. Mike would keep the hostages’ things 4 sale @168 as Made in China.
oOo
REBELS: “If Erap can spell the words COUP D’ETAT, the coup is off.”
ERAP: “Gyera nalang!”
oOo
Friend & Wife Difference:
You can tell your Friend,”You’re my Best Friend.”
But never tell your Wife, “You’re my Best Wife!”
WARNING: Trying this is Dangerous to Your Life!
oOo
Bruno: “Pare musta lovelife?”
Badong: “Wala pa nga eh…”
Bruno: “Bakit pare wala ka bang napupusuan?”
Badong: “Meron pare… manhid ka lang!”
oOo
A guy staggers into the bathroom, whipping out his dick even before he gets through the door. Inadvertently, he wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman primping in the mirror.
“This is for ladies!” she screams.
Guy waves his dick and says, “So is this!”
oOo
PATIENT: “Well, I was making love to my girlfriend on the living room rug when, all of a sudden, the chandelier came crashing down on us.”
DOCTOR: “Fortunately, you only sustained minor lacerations on your buttocks. You’re a lucky man!”
PATIENT: “You said it, doc, a minute sooner and it could have fractured my skull!”
oOo
Man to a friend:
“I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night and she said I’d got the biggest dick she’d ever laid her hands on. I said, ‘you’re pulling my leg!’”
oOo
GAL: “Stop looking at girls… you are committed now…”
BOY: “Oh, honey, it’s not fair… you mean if I am on diet, I should not even look at the menu…!”
oOo
Some Funny Ads:
Ad in a Long Island shop:
Guitar for sale… Cheap… no strings attached.
In a Hospital:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight… One Lung At A Time!
In a Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way…
In A Resto:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Tested By The Manager
oOo
MARIA: “Tikman mo itong cake. Masarap! Gawa ng nanay ko.”
JUAN: “Pwedeng ikaw na lang tikman ko? Tutal gawa ka din naman ng nanay mo.”
oOo
A newly wed lady wanting to make an impression at a family reunion and remember the names of all of her husband’s family members.
There was one gent whom she asked his name before and tried to remember but failed repeatedly. Finally, the man bailed the wife out and said his name was Dick.
Without a thought she quickly said, “Gosh, how could I forget you? You look like a Dick!
oOo
At a Florida swimming meet, the contestants were a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
The second race was the Breast Stroke… the order of finish was the brunette came in first, the redhead second, and the blonde was still racing!
When she reach the finish line she said, “THEY CHEATED!”
The judge asked, “How?”
The blonde screamed…
“THEY USED THEIR ARMS!”
oOo
Man asks his parrot, “What do you want for your birthday?” Parrot replies, “I want to get laid.”
Owner takes parrot to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and it goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.
After a few minutes, owner hears loud screeching and squaking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.
There he saw his parrot holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feather. He asks, “What the hell are you doing?”
His parrot says, “For a hundred bucks I want her nude!”
oOo
LITO LAPID: “Pre, can u see farther during the day or at night?”
JINGGOY: “During the day, of course.”
BONG REVILLA: “Wrong! During the day you can only see the sun, but at night u can see all the way to the stars!”
oOo
A boy goes to a strip joint. His mom gets angry and asks, “Did you see anything that you were not supposed to see?”
BOY: “Yes, I saw Dad!”
oOo
GUY: “Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours but you can’t put yours in mine.”
GIRL: “Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine.”
oOo
Mukhang malas ang Aquino govt sa mga bus. Puro nasa bus ang disgrasya!
Sinabi kc nya s inaugural address…
KAYO ANG BUS KO!
0Oo
GIRLFRIEND: “Ayaw ko na! I’ll return to you all the things you’ve given me!”
BOYFRIEND: “Okay then, let’s start with the kisses! (yan ang hirit!:-D)”
oOo
HUSBAND: “You talk like an IDIOT!”
WIFE: “I have to do so, so you could understand me.”
oOo
A judge ask a woman: “Why do you have to divorce your husband?”
WOMAN: “Your Honor,he knows i’m a vegetarian & yet he insists on putting his meat in my mouth!!”
oOo
A blind, a deaf, and a cross-eyed go to a play. The blind did not see but heard, and said it was nice.
The deaf saw it and said it was nice.
The cross-eyed one said, I am the lucky one, I saw it twice!
oOo
** Thank you MIKE for the above english SMS Jokes. 
