SMS Jokes 130

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TANONG: Anong pinapasok nang tuyo at inilalabas nang basa?
SAGOT: Straw sa softdrink.
TANONG: Anong U ang ipinapasok sa P?
SAGOT: Unan sa Punda.
TANONG: Anong tunog ng nalaglag na pubic hair?
SAGOT: PWE!

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Question: If Filipinas who go to Japan are called Japayukis, what would you call Japanese men who come to the Philippines?
Answer: Mamumuki

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Increase your word power:
SODOMY- Masyadong marumi.
ANAL- Ibalewala ang kasal.
SEMEN- Mga marino.
PENIS- Mga barya ng Kano.
HYMEN- Kumusta kayo, mga pare ko!

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Two golfers at tee area..
Golfer1: What’s taking you so long? Hit the ball!
Golfer2: My wife is watching me from the clubhouse. I want this shot to be perfect!
Golfer1: Forget it! You can’t hit her from here!

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Ano ang difference ng LIBAG sa LIBOG?
Ang LIBAG pag remove sa body ng guy, dumudumi ang banyo.
Ang LIBOG pag remove sa body ng guy, dumudulas ang banyo!

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MASARAP ITO SA GABI…
Maghubad ja muna…
Touch it slowly, then you cry.,
“aahhhhh… yan na!”
“lalabas na!… ooohhhhh!”
Talsik sa dibdib! “uhhmmm sarap!”
Ang sarap talagang…
MAG-SHOWER!

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FRED: Truth to tell, I’m just bored with screwin’ the same hole night after night.
JOE: Well, if you want variety, why don’t you just turn her over every now and them?
FRED: What? And have a house full of kids!!!

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Tanong: Bakit karamihang tao sa mundo’y isip bata?
Sagot: Si lalaki,’pag tumanda, gusto dumede pa.
Si babae,’pag tumanda, gusto mag-lolipop din.
Ikaw, isip bata pa rin ba?

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Old couple attempting to make love.
WIFE: Higher, lower, a bit to the left, a bit to the right. Stop. Go!
HUSBAND: Are you trying to fuck me or park me? 😀

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At a funeral, one of the teary-eyed people asks, “Why, why, him, of all people?”
A smart aleck replies, “Why? Would it rather have been you?”

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First Time Sumakay sa Cebu Pacific. Isang pasahero tinawag stewardess at nagtanong, “Miss, anu ba tong naramdaman ko, sakit ng ulo ko parang mabibiyak?”

Stewardess: “Ganyan talaga, sir, pag first time. Ako nga nung first time ko, yung biyak ko parang may ulo…”

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LINA: Noong nag-aaral tayo ay pareho tayong PANGHAPON. Balita ko ay panghapon ka pa rin ngayon. Nag-aaral ka ba uli?
TETET: Ahh. . . ehh. . . PANG-HAPON ako ngayon. In other words, pang-Japanese ako. OHSAS 18001 Certified Japayuki ako!

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Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening, my wife is poisoning me.”
The surprised Rabbi asks, “How can that be?”
The man pleads, “I’m telling you, she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”
The Rabbi offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and let you know.”
A week later, Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to your wife on the phone for 3 hours. You want my advice?”
The man anxiously says, “Yes.”
“Take the poison,” says the rabbi.

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MISIS: “Inday, pagkatapos mong maglaba, linisin mo buong bahay. Kaskasin mo yung tiles ng swimming pool. At paliguan mo yung mga aso, tapos magluto ka na ng hapunan at mamaya darating na sir mo. Den pumunta ka kina Mrs. Cruz, dalhin mo yung malaking kahon. Bumili ka na din ng dalawang litrong mantika, ketchup, toyo, 10 sardinas, 20 corned beef, 30 San Marino at Maling at isang sakong bigas. Oh eto pera, sakto yan. Maglakad ka na lang at strike ang mga triycle ngaun. Ok?!”
INDAY: %#@&NG &%A &%!!

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CALLER: ‘Anong oras po ang constipated mass?”
SACRISTAN: C”oncelebrated mass po yon.Yong maraming pari?”
CALLR: “di po.Yung sa Sabado ng hapon?”
SAC: “Ah,antiseptic mass!”

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** thank you so much MIKE, for the above SMS Jokes

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