Si Abraham Lincoln at John F. Kennedy ay parehong nabaril sa likod ng ulo katabi ang kanilang asawa.
Pareho rin silang binaril ng Biyernes.
Aral: Siguraduhing kabit ang kasama pag araw ng Biyernes.
Jill: “Why can’t AIDS spread through mosquito bites?”
Macoy: “Ang lamok, di naman na pareho mo na bastos. Unlike you, they don’t fuck. They only suck!”
Christmas is in the air…
I would like to formally announce that I’m already accepting gifts in cash and cheques.
Avoid the holiday rush, SENT IT NOW! ð
BATA: “pabili po!”
TINDERA: “whats yours, boy?”
BATA: “a bottled solution of carbonic acid & caffeine.”
TINDERA: (nose bleed) haaa?
BATA: “Coke! Duh! Pa-english english ka pa tapos di mo naman kayang panindigan! Duh!”
TIKBOY: “Pare, pautang naman ng 500 pesos, gipit lang ako ngayon.”
BEN DAGA: “Naku pare, walang-wala rin ako ngayon, ei. Bakit hindi ka mangutang kay Boy Pandak?”
TIKBOY: “Hindi pwede pare, eh… short din yung tao!”
A newly married hubby saved his wife’s no. on his cel as “My Life.”
After a year
he changed it to
After 2 years he
changed it to
After 5 years he changed it to “Hitler”
After 10 years he changed it to
BABAE: “Doktor, ano po kaya ang mabuti kong gawin? Sa tuwing nakakainom ako ng brandy. Maski na sinong lalaking katabi ko ay aking yinayakap at hinahalikan?”
DOKTOR: “Aba’y matindi nga ang problema mo. Sandali lang may kukunin ako sa aking bar. Mag-iinuman muna tayo, Miss. Para masuri kong mabuti ang iyong sakit”
JINKEE: “Ma’ nakit-an ba nimo si Manny?”
DIONISIA: “Wala, pero tawagan ko selpon nya.”
JINKEE: “Oh Ma, naistorya nimo sya?”
DIONISIA: “Wala, babae man nagtubag. Murag gwapa ug siksi, kay sige ug englis. Wala jud ko makasab0t. Pero namem0rize nako.”
JINKEE: “Mga panuway! Si Krista jud t0! Nag’uban jud sila! Mga panuway sila!! Unya, unsa ing0n n’ya ma?”
DIONISIA: “Yu d0nt hab enap lod to mik diz kol..pls. rilod imidyitli.
Once upon a time, an Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai Warrior. Only 3 applied: a Japanese, a Chinese & a Jew.
“Demonstrate ur skills!” the Emperor ordered.
The Japanese opened a tiny box & released a fly. He drew his sword and *Swish!” the fly fell to the floor, divided in 2.
“What a feat!” said the Emperor. “#2 Samurai, what can you do?”
The Chinese smiled & opened a tiny box to release a fly. He drew his sword & *Swish!* *Swish!* Fly fell to the floor quartered!
“Ahh, that’s skill” nodded the Emperor. “Top that #3!”
The Jew opened a tiny box releasing a fly, drew his sword *Swooooosh!* & the fly let out a high pitched sound and kept buzzing around.
Disappointed, the Emperor said, “That’s a skill? The fly is alive!”
“Dead is easy,” replied the Jew, “Now, CIRCUMCISION… THAT takes skill!”
2 friends at a beach. Joe asks Jake why he’so popular with women. Jake explains, “I find a big potato & put it down my swim trunks, that’s my secret.”
A few days later the 2 met on the beach & Joe says, “I tried what you said but they all look at me in disgust.”
Jake replies, “Yes, but you are supposed to put it in front, not at the back.”
Lito Lapid fell in love with a porn star and married her.
One day, he got an opportunity to watch one of her “XXXXX” movies. Disturbed and annoyed by what he saw, Lito told himself, “Buti na lang, movie lang yun at hindi totoo!”
2 gay men beach walking, holding hands, when a beautiful gal passes them. She’s 5’10”, 12
lbs., 38-24-36, with a string bikini & no tan lines. One of the gay turns to his pal, sighs audibly & whispers breathlessly, “It’s women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“Kung mamulat ka’t magising na di alam kung ano ang sorpresang kakaharapin, tumingin ka sa salamin at doon malalaman mo, may muta ka pang dapat alisin!”:D
Nanliligaw: “Sir, hinihingi ko po ang inyong pahintulot na makasal kami ng inyong dalaga.”
Ama: “Umiinom ka ba?”
Nanliligaw: “Mamaya na po iyan. Tapusin muna natin itong hinihingi ko!”
“Ah nais mo palang maging Filipino citizen, kailangan masagot mo ang mga tanong ko,” sabi ng isang naturalization officer sa isang Chinese.
“Kilala mo ba si Dr. Jose Rizal?”
“Aba, opo. Siya akin kilala. Pero siya wala kilala sa akyen.”
Patient complains to doctor: “Since I got this sickness, I can’t hear anything my wife says.”
Doctor happily said, “Call it a blessing of the Lord! It’s not a disease to be cured!”
**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE! ð