SMS Jokes 144

oOo

Basted..
Gal: “Eh, di naman ako maganda e. hanap ka na lang na mas maganda sakin. sori ha?”
Boy: “Ikaw ngang panget di ko napasagot, ung maganda pa kaya?”

oOo

TITSER: “Ano sa inglis ang LANGAW?”
TIKYO: “FLY!
TITSER: “Good! Ano sa inglis ang KAHOY?”
AMBO: “WOOD!”
TITSER: “Good! Kung tumuntong ang LANGAW sa KAHOY, ano ito?”
POLDO: “PLYWOOD, mam!”

oOo

TITSER: “Sa karamihan ng mali nitong homework na ito, palagay ko hindi lang isa ang gumawa nito. Tama ba ako, Jinggoy?”
JINGGOY: “Opo, mam, tinulungan ko po ang Dad ko.”

oOo

May lalaki ang na-flatan ng gulong malapit sa mental hospital. Habang nagpapalit ng gulong nahulog ang lahat ng turnilyo sa imburnal.

DRAYBER: “Naku, paano na ito? (Tiyempo nakita ito ng isang pasyente sa ospital.)”
PASYENTE: “Pare, kunin mo ang isang turnilyo sa bawat natitira mong gulong at gamitin mo.”
DRAYBER: “Oo nga ano! Alam mo ang talitalino mo nakapagtataka na nariyan ka.”
PASYENTE: “Alam mo sira ulo lang ako, hindi tangang tulad mo.”

oOo

“Pare, bakit ang laki naman ng binigay mo? Hindi naman tunay na bulag iyon, a. Pekeng bulag lang!”
“Hindi bale, Pare, peke rin naman ang ibinigay kong limang daang piso.”

oOo

ANAK: “‘Tay, di ba nagkakagatas ang babae pg bagong panganak lang?”
AMA: “Oo, bakit mo naitanong?”
ANAK: “Sabi kasi ng kapitbahay natin, ginagatasan mo si Nanay, e hindi naman sya bagong panganak.”

oOo

CHINESE: “Kayo ba hilig negosyo?”
BABAE: “Opo, kasi po negosyo ko lagi nalulugi.”
CHINESE: “Gusto laki kita negosyo mo?”
BABAE: “Opo. Paano po ba?”
CHINESE: “Kaw gusto lahat kita, kaw hubad lahat kita!”

oOo

During winter. .
Girl: “My hands are freezing.”
Mom: “Put them between your legs to warm them up.”

Next day, she’s out with her bf.

Jr: “My hands are freezing.”
Girl: “Put them between my legs, my body will warm them.”
Jr: “My penis is frozen too.”

Later…
Girl: “Mom, have you ever heard of a penis?”
Mom: “Why?”
Girl: “They make a mess when they defrost don’t they?”

oOo

“Class, today’s assignment is to spell and use the word ‘DOUGH’ in a sentence.
Jane you go first..”
“Dough, D O U G H,
Italians make pizza with dough.”
“Very good, Jane… now let’s hear from Mary.”
“Dough, D O U G H,
My brother makes things with play dough.”
“Yes Johnny, do you have something to add?”
“My mom says my dad doesn’t make enough dough, and he’s so bad in bed she uses a dill dough.”

oOo

“Pare, bakit ang laki naman ng binigay mo? Hindi naman tunay na bulag iyon, a. Pekeng bulag lang!”
“Hindi bale, Pare, peke rin naman ang ibinigay kong limang daang piso.”

oOo

Anong tawag sa taong nasagasaan ng pison?






Tanga!

oOo

Q: What did the mayo say when someone opened the refrigerator door?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A: “Close the door, I’m dressing!”

oOo

History teacher was closing his lecture of the day & asked bored students, “So name the three great kings who brought Happiness, Joy, & Pleasure in our lives.”
A yawning student from the back raised his hand & said, “Smo-King, Drin-King & Fuc-King!”

oOo

Margarito may have been beaten black & blue last Sunday, but he was able to do what millions of Pinoys have always wanted to do – punch a congressman in the face!

oOo

Life begins at 40,
but the 60’s
are the best…
.
Sexy,
Sexy one,
Sexy too,
and
eventually,
Sexy nine!
We will find that
it’s really all
in the mind!

oOo

** all of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE :-*

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