SMS Jokes 145

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Bob Ong vs. Vice Ganda

Bob Ong: “Bakit pa sila maghihiwalay kung magkakabalikan din sila? Para lang silang naggagaguhan.”
Vice Ganda: “Ay! Hindi hindi. Alangan namamg magkakabalikan sila ng sila pa? Yun ang naggagaguhan.”

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ALE: “miss, may benta kayong sanitary napkin?”
MISS: “meron.”
ALE: “Nasaan.”
MISS: “sa MENS department.”

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AMO: “Bakit tuwing umuwi ako, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?”
MAID: “Kasi po, mam, nahihiya ako sa inyo. Ayokong makita nyo akong walang ginagawa.

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MARE1: “Mahusay nang tumugtog ng biyolin ang anak mo, ah.”
MARE2: “Totoo ba? Baka ikako nasanay na lang tainga ko!”

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph & Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A tyke replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter!”

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BISAYA Joke:

Interview with Margarito After the fight. “pacquiao todos gulpis mi en grande laparos muchos fistos porque sento trenta loslos perteng malasa! puertelos bun-og! La kulata! paeta!
In english HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!

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A girl runs home to her mom crying, “I can’t marry Jake! He’s an atheist. He doesn’t believe in God or Jesus or anything!”
“Don’t worry, dear,” said her mom.
“But, Ma, he doesn’t believe in Hell!”
“Don’t worry dear,” repeated her mom, “you marry him…
and we’ll convince him!”:-*

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Q & A

Q: paano gumawa ng sunny side up?
A: piniprito.

Q: pano naman gumawa ng boiled egg?
A: nilalaga

Q: eh pano naman gumawa ng itlog na pula?
A: hmmm… eh di kinakamot para mamula

Q: bakit daw may bulsa ang men’s briefs?

A: lagayan daw ng asin…
para sa itlog!

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Three students are leaving their last classes of the day..
The law student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have a beer.”
The engineering student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must a soda.”
The medical student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

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Mabo-bore ka sa buhay paminsan-minsan…
at para maibsan ang boredom, bakit hindi ka magpraktis kuna paano bumahing ng dilat ang mata?

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A proctologist goes to his office to sign his patient’s MEDICARE claims.
He reaches into his pocket, & pulls a rectal thermometer. The proctologist exclaims, “Damn, some asshole’s got my pen!”

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Intsik: “puro ka utang di nman bayad lagi ganyan.”
Tindera: “pls, nasa ospital si Inay, padagdag kahit konti bili ko lang gamot.”
Intsik:”ok ok, basta gawin mo akin lolypop. Sabay hubad pantalon.”
Tindera: “ok po,humawak sa ari at nagdasal. Patawad po dyos ko sa gagawin ko gusto ko lang po maibiling gamot si Inay!”
Intsik nagalit.
Intsik: “wakanga, sabi ko,gawin mo lolypop akin di telepono, long distans pa.”

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JUAN: “bakit ganun ang chinese? sa tanghali manligaw?”
AKONG: “ganun talaga kami manligaw sa kapwa chinese namin.”
JUAN: “anu naman ginagawa nyo sa gabi?”
AKONG: “pilipina naman nililigawan namin.”

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Chinese student asks, “What is white?”
Chinese master replies, “White is what is not black.”
Student in deep thought asks, “Then Master, what is sex?”
Master answered, “Sex is what is not laughter.”
Student asks, “How is it so?”
Master seriously said, “In laughter, it is ‘Ha, Ha, Ha,'” and he continues, “in sex, it is ‘Ah, Ah, Ah.'”
Student was satisfied.

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Young wife answers doorbell, sees their neighbor, an old man, who recently married a sexy teenager..
OLD MAN: “Do you have a vagina?”
She slams the door,and she tells husband.
NEXT DAY OLD MAN COMES AGAIN.
(husband hides behind the door..)
OLD MAN: “Do you have a vagina?”
WIFE: “Yes!”
OLD MAN: “Good. Now tell your husband to stop fucking my wife!”

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Takbong pumasok ng bahay si Mario. Pagod pero masaya at nagmayabang sa ina.
“‘Nay, nakatipid ako ng pitong piso.”
“Nakatipid? Paano?” tanong ng ina.
“Di po ako sumakay ng dyip. Sumabay lang ako ng takbo. Kaya’t nakatipid ako ng pitong piso!”
“Ang hina mo pala eh. Kung Tourist Taxi ang sinabayan mo, ‘di mas malaki ang natipid mo!”

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** ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE pogi! 😀

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