SMS Jokes 146

oOo

Knock, knock?
Who’s there?
Come back to me.
Come back to me who?
Come back to me bok ang puso, wala ka nang magagawa kundi sundin ito.

oOo

Knock, knock?
Who’s there?
Tuna pie.
Tuna pie who?
Tuna pie, tuna limit tuna wall..for a chance to be with you, id rather risk it all!

oOo

Knock, knock?
Who’s there?
New Zealand.
New Zealand who?
New Zealand ka sa mundong ito, laking tuwa ng magulang mo…

oOo

GIRL: “maghiwalay nlng tayo”
BOY: “okay lang babalikan ko na lang
yung ex ko”
GIRL: “Aba! ang kapal mo talaga!”
Were officially break!
KINABUKASAN
BOY: “I still love you”
GIRL: “Diba break na tayo?” babalikan mo pa nga ex mo dba?”
BOY: “Eto na nga binabalikan na ulit kta”

oOo

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can’t hear him.”How bad is it?”,the doctor asks.
“I have no idea,” replies the husband.
“Well,” starts the doctor, “please test her. Say something twenty feet away, and if she doesn’t hear you, get closer and say something until she does. That way we’ll have an idea of her range of hearing loss.”
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping vegetables for dinner. From twenty feet he asks, “What’s for dinner?”
No answer.
From ten feet, same thing. From five feet, same again.
Finally he’s standing right behind her.”What’s for dinner?”
She turns around, looks at him and says, “For the fourth time, beef stew!”

oOo

Question: Is swimming good for your figure?
Answer: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

oOo

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

oOo

in hell. .
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
eks hell. .
in hell. .
eks hell!
iksirsays ba. .
Para s0megla!

oOo

Kinuha ng isang Kanong Pari si Pacquiao as interpreter:

Pari: The Lord was crucified between 2 robbers.
Pac: Si Hesus ay ipinako s gitna ng 2 goma.
Pari: We need to sacrifice.
Pac: Kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas.
Pari: If we do not repent,
Pac: Kapag hindi natin pininturahang muli,
Pari: Thewrath of God will come upon you.
Pac: Ang mga daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.(nagtawanan)
Pari: Well.. Well..
Pac: Balon.. Balon..

oOo

** All of the above SMS JOKES courtesy of KUPS. 😀

oOo

Isang Mangyan ang gus2ng mg-gate crash sa isang handaan, payag ang mayari na kumain sya basta mahuhulaan lang ang ipaaamoy sa kanyang ulam nakapiring..

Mayari: anu 2? (hawak adobo)
Mangyan: (singhot) adobo po.
Mayari: magaling, anu naman 2? (kaldereta)
Mangyan: (singhot uli) kaldereta po.
Mayari: talagang magaling k, o e2? (sundot ng daliri sa pe*pe*)
Mangyan: (singhot 3x) naku, eh, dinuguan po yan, di lang maganda ang pagkakahugas.. tama po ba?:-P

oOo

Nanay: “Anak! Bakit kanina pa masama tingin mo jan sa pusa?”
ANAK: “Eh, nay, sya naman po nagsimula e.”

oOo

AMBO: “Inilalabas ba ng tiyo mo ang tiya mo paminsan-misan?”
JOSE: “Hindi, kuripot ang tiyo ko! Ang inilalabas lang nya ay ang kanyang pustiso!”

oOo

Two women are talking. The first one ask, “How do you know if a guy’s sperm count is high?”
The second replies, “You have to chew before you swallow.”

oOo

MIZ !

kanina
pagkain ko
face mo
nasa plato

pag
inom ko
mukha mo
nasa baso.

ano ba ito?

pati ba nman
sa silver swan

kamukha mo
yung pato?!

oOo

BABAE BIBILI NG ISDA: (panay pisil sa isda) “Ale, presko ba itong isda? Bakit malambot?”
TINDERA: “Naku, misis, hindi yan titi na pagpanay ang pisil mo, titigas!.”

oOo

A driver tucked a note under her windshield & dashed off: “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, & if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our tresspasses.”

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket & a note: “I’ve circled the block for 20 years, & if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job… Lead us not into temptation.”

oOo

Isang araw sa religion class..
Titser: “Ano ginawa ni Moises pagkatapos nilang tumawid ng Red Sea?”
Student: “Di po ba nagpatuyo sila ng kanilang damit!”

INDAY: “Taba, pabiling baboy.”
TINDERA: “Hoy! Ayusin mo pananalita mo ha!”
INDAY: “Baboy, pabili ng taba!”

oOo

TEACHER: “Misis, pinatawag ko po kayo dahil nagmumura ng PUTRIS ang anak nyo! May nagsasalita po ba sa bahay nyo ng ganun?”
MISIS: “WALA PO! Puro PUT*** INA at HINDOT po!”

oOo

** The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

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