Anak: “Nay, nay, pahingi po ng 20, bibili ako ng panghilamos, madami na kasi ak0ng PinP0L..”
INA: “ang tanda, tanda mo na hindi mo pa alam yan, hindi PINP0L tawag dun, AKMI!”
Eksena sa jeep!
girl: “manong bayad.
driver: “saan galing to?
girl: “estudyante, nursing, st. Paul, bagong sakay.
boy: (nayabangan, nagbayad ng 500 pesos) “manong bayad.”
driver: (galit) “ilan dito sa 500?!”
boy: “isa lang. Keep the change, seaman, bagong sakay lang.”
babae: (nayabangan din, nag abot ng 1,000) “bayad, paki lang.”
driver: “wala bang mas maliit dito? Wala akong maisukli dito.”
babae: “säu na lang ang sukli manong, TEACHER ako, bagong loan sa GSIS.”
Doktor: “Ano nga pala ang pangalan nyo?”
Babae: “Hilaria Bato po.”
Doktor: “A, oo, natatandaan ko po kayo. Ilan taon na po kayo?”
Babae: “Eksaktong 35 taon na po.”
Doktor: “Aba’y tatlong taon na pong ganyan ang sinasabi nyong edad sakin.”
Babae: “Aba, doktor. Hindi po ako katulad ng ibang babae riyan na pabagu-bago isip at kanilang sinasabi. Ang sinabi ngaun ay iba naman bukas. Ako po ay may iisang salita.”
Ang mga babae, parang pulis, hindi yan maniniwala hangga’t walang ebidensya
Ang mga lalake, parang kriminal naman, huli na, ayaw pang umamin.
GAL1: “Kinukuha akong model sa commercial. Kaso, hindi ko alam gagawin ko.”
GAL2: “Sigehan mo. Ako nga, kinuhang model sa toothpaste, eh. Pinakita ko lang na nagtu-toothbrush ako”.
GAL1: “Ganun?! Sige, payag na ako.”
GAL2: “Anong produkto ba ung sayo?”
GAL1: Ph Care.
JUAN:” Pare, ano baon mo ngaun?”
PEPE: LA FISH ALA LA NINA!”
JUAN: “Wow! Ang sarap! Ano yon?”
Biglang kumidlat, anu gagawin m0?
picture taking eh!”
Lunching with English friends at the time of her husband’s retirement from the presidency of France, Mme. de Gaulle was asked what she was looking forward to in the years ahead.
“A penis,” she replied without hesitation. The embarrassed silence that followed was broken by Le Grand Charles, “My dear, I don’t think that the English pronounce the word like that, it is ‘appiness.'”
A guy goes to doctor, “Doc, you gotta help me, I’ve had this hard-on for weeks it hurts so bad, I can’t put up with it anymore. So can you help me?”
The doctor says, “I can help you.” So he licks his own two fingers and smacks the guy’s dick. A bug flew off and his dick went back to normal. The guy said, “Doc, I feel great! How much do I owe you?”
The doc says, “Find me that bug and you owe me nothing.”
Aleci: “Daddy, is it not a woman with a husband called Mrs. and a single woman called Miss?”
Daddy: “That’s right, baby!”
Aleci: “What about Ma’am?”
Daddy: “That’s what you call a pregnant woman!”
A priest had lost a rooster & didn’t know where to find it.
So at the homily next day, he queried, “Has anybody got the cock?” All men stood up.
“No, no, I mean has anybody seen the cock?” All women stood up.
“No, no I mean has anybody seen my cock?” All the nuns stood up!!
A young couple with their 5 year old son went for a vacation to the place where they had their honeymoon. On reaching the place, they smiled.
The son seeing them smiled asks Dad, “why are you two smiling?”
Dad said, “No son, we already came to this place years back, that’s what made us smile.”
Son asks again, “Dad, if you came here already, where was I?”
Dad, embarassed replies, “Son, you were with me when we came here, and with your MOM when we left!”
ERAP: “Pre, akyat ka nga sa puno, pisilin mo yung bungang manga kung hinog na.”
SEN.LITO: “Oo, hinog na!”
ERAP: “Sige, bumaba ka na at susungkitin ko na ang bunga!”
TITSER: “sino ang pumatay kay Heneral Juan Luna?”
ERAP: “Ma’am, hindi po ako!”
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“I love Thanksgiving turkey. . .
it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” – ~ Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sa isang classroom:
Boy1: “My name is Anito. Dun ako ginawa.”
Gal: “My name is Victoria, a honeymoon baby.
Both asked another boy beside them…”
Boy2: “Wag na lang! Bigay ko nalang initials ko..
TIKYA: “Mare, ano ba secret mo sa iyong mga tanim na kamatis at pulang pula cla?”
MARE: “Ay Tikya, umaga at gabi, ipinakita ko sa mga kamatis ang akin, kaya namumula cla sa hiya..
Two weeks later…
MARE: “Tikya, musta na iyong mga kamatis?”
TIKYA: “Sus, Mare, ang mga talong nakatanim sa tabi lumaki ng husto!”
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES:
17 – need to wash my hair
25 – need to wash & condition my hair
35 – need to color my hair
48 – need to have David color my hair
65 – need to have David color my wig.
TEACHER: “Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?”
GIRL: “So we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving, ” a boy wrote, “I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.”
May your stuffing be tasty.
May your turkey plumph
May your potatoes and gravy
Have a nary lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!!
LADY: “I am returning these glasses I bought for my husband.”
OPTOMETRIST: “What seems to be the problem?”
LADY: “He still doesn’t see things my way. ”
**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE!