Babaeng bulol sa loob ng taxi:
BABAE:”dlaybel alam mo tong adles?”
DRIVER:”ano pong address?”
BABAE:”siksik oten patay titi!”
DRIVER:”patingin nga….ah….66010 PASAY CITY!”
Bakit nakakamatay ang butter?
It’s ment ti kil ya!
ang gamitin para madaling magbura pag may mali!
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.”
Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to! you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.
“Smith asks,” Can I have a penny?” The Lord replies, “In a minute”.
..ang sagot ni Pacman ng tanungin sya kung anung shampoo ang gamit nya!
QUESTION: What do women and police cars have in common?
ANSWER: They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
“Nakakita ka lang ng mas makakapagpasaya sa yo, kinalimutan mo na ako.
Naaliw ka lang ng konti, hindi mo na ko binalikan. Binigyan ka lang ng pet,
farm at restaurant, akala mo kung sino ka na.” –Friendster
Boy: I love you.
Girl: Shut up!
Boy: I want you.
Girl: Shut up!
Boy: I miss you.
Girl: Shut up!
Boy: Ang ganda mo…
Boy: Shut up!
Difference between a high school student from a college student when they have their monthly period:
High school student: “Shit! Meron ako!”
College student: “YES! Meron ako!”
Consuelo is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children…and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later…and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Consuelo as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, “At last…they’re finally together.” A man standing next to him asks, “Excuse me, Father, but
do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?””No,” the priest says politely, “I mean her LEGS.”
You may be sitting all alone today…but believe in the magic that someone is meant to sit beside you soon.
Tapos…pag puno na…aalis na ang dyip.
A guy went to the doctor because he was concerned about his sexuality.
Patient: Doctor, Im worried, I think I may be gay.
Doctor: Well, take off your pants and well run a couple of tests.
The man does so and the doctor grabs his p3nis.
Doctor: Say 55.
The doctor then grabs his balls.
Doctor: Say 55.
Doctor: Now, turn around and bend over.
The patient does so, and the doctor sticks his finger up his ass.
Doctor: Say 55.
Patient: 1 ..2 3 ..
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice “13…….13…….13………13”
The man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. “Need some help?” a secretary, walking by, asked. “Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?” “Simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”
**ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of KUPS π
miss laro tayo plants vs. zombies
ikaw ung zombie at ako ung plant
…habang kinakaen mo ko , tinitira kta..^_^
**SMS Joke courtesy of bly_beer.
QUESTION: What’s the lightest thing in the world?
ANSWER: The penis, because you can lift it with just your imagination.
**SMS Joke courtesy of CallCenterGuy
JUAN: “Sir, pasensya na po kayo. Hindi po ako makakapasok ngayon, dahil masamang-masama po ang aking pakiramdam.”
TITSER: “A, ganoon ba? Saan masama ang pakiramdam mo?”
JUAN: “E, sir, sa test pong ibibigay nyo.”
GURO: “Ano ang kabuuang salita ng “Can’t?”
GURO: “E, ano naman ang “Don’t?”
ERAP: “Doughnut. ”
Sa mental hospital nagdrawing ang doktor ng pinto sa blackboard at sinabi, “Kung cno ang maunang makalalabas sa pinto ay makakaalis na sa ospital.”
Nagunahan ang mga pasyente! Pero nakita ng dok si Sen. Miriam tumatawa sa sidelines. Tinanong sya ng dok, “Senator, bakit kau natawa?”
Sagot ng Senadora, “Eh sira ulo pala yang mga yan! Eh paano cla makakalabas, nasa akin ang susi!”
A banker married an attractive widow with two beautiful teenage daughters. After several weeks, gossip established that the banker was making it out with his step-daughters. One day, a friend cornered him and said, “Clyde, I don’t mean to pry, but people are saying you pay more attention to your step-daughters than your wife.” The banker replied, “Of course I do, why should I touch my principal when I’m doing so well with my interest?”
Bill told Joe, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ready for a vacation. Only this time, it’ll be different. The last few years, I took ur advice as to when to go. 3 years ago, u said go to Hawaii, I went & Mary got pregnant. Then 2 years ago, u told me the French Riviera & Mary got pregnant. Last year, u said Rio & darned Mary got pregnant.”
Joe asks, “So what u gonna do this that’s different?” Bill replies, “This time I’m TAKING MARY WITH ME.”
TULOK: “Pare, alam mo ba kung ano yan kasabihang tell me your friends are? Di ko alam yung kasunod eh.”
TUNGAW: “Yun ba? Ganito yun, tell me your friends are and I’ll tell you my friends rin!”
DRUNK1: “Shhaaayyy, pal, what’s a breathanalyzer?'”
DRUNK2: “Well, it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk too much!”
DRUNK1: “Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years and years now!”
Sa isang lamayan…
ALING ISKA: “Totoy, anong huling salita ng tatay mo?”
TOTOY: “Wala po. Hindi po nakapagsalita sa huling sandali si tatay, nasa tabi nya si nanay kaya hindi sya nakasingit!”
Alamat ng Arinola..
Si Pedro at Juan naka dungaw sa bintana ni Aling Clara habang syay umiihi sa animoy parang palanggana..
Juan: “lola ayus yan ha!”
Lola: :punyeta mga bastos, hala layas!!”
Juan: “pare nakita mu ba yun?”
Pedro: “ang alin? ung ari ni lola?”
Juan: “ah un pala yun..”
Wife visiting husband in prison.
HE: “Why hasn’t your mother bothered to visit me?”
SHE: “She’s too busy spending the reward money she got from your arrest.”
It is difficult to understand GOD..
HE makes such beautiful things as WOMEN and…
then turns them into WIVES…:(
Erap with friends..
Erap: anu tatak ng jeans mu?
Friend: guesS nga eh!
Friend: anu ba! GuesS nga!
Friend: hindi! gueSs! guesS!!
Erap: hang ten?
Friend: ang kulit mo gueSs NGA EH!
Erap: ayoko na nga! SIRET NA!!
There are also people who come in for a different purpose…
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls.
Dapat ang mga babae ay tumulong din sa clean & green campaign.
Magsuot sila ng T-shirts na may print na “AYAW KO NA NG SUPOT”! π
** The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.