SMS Jokes 150

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JUAN: “Ano ang pinakamatinik na isda?”
JOSE: “pare yung tilapia.”
JUAN: “Mali.”
JOSE: “Alam ko na… bangus!”
JUAN: “Wrong again!”
JOSE: “Talakitok, mahi-mahi, bisugo..”
JUAN: “Nope, mali pa rin!”
JOSE: “Sige, sirit na!”
JUAN: “Ang pinaka “matinik” na isda eh ung hindi pa nahuhuli!”

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SOAP SA RADYO:
“Huwag mo akong hawakan, Berting! Nasasaktan ako! Magulo na ang buhok ko at pumapalag na ako ngayon.”
“Magtapat ka, Lorena! Habang humihigpit ang hawak ko sayo!”
“Tama na, Berting! May nakita akong kutsilyo sa mesa, kukunin ko ito at bigla kong isasaksak sayo… ayan nakuha ko na… sinaksak na kita.”
“Ahhh!!! Sinaksak mo ako sa tiyan, ito ngayon nagdurugo at mamatay na ako… ayan patay na ako!”
Buti na lang naimbento ang TV!

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Sabi ng isang misis sa kanyang mister…
“Kung magiging hay0p ka sa next life mO. .
hindi ka pa ba nagsasawa?”

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Teenager to Trainer: “There’s a hot chick that I’m crazy about that I want to impress. What machine do you suggest I use?”
Trainer: “Try the ATM machine outside the gym!”

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Two friends, a Moslem & a Catholic agreed to attend each other services together.
As they enter a church, the Moslem asks, “di ko ba iiwan ang sandals ko dito sa labas?” Catholic: “wag ‘tol mananakaw yan.”
Next day, they went to a mosque, the Catholic notices his Moslem pal takes off his sandals to go inside.
He asks, “‘tol, di ba delikado iwan sapatos ko dito?” Moslem: “Wag ka magalala, kapatid, walang Katoliko dito.”

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A day without laughter is a wasted day.
-CHARLIE CHAPLIN

A true friend stabs you in the front.
-OSCAR WILDE

Never explain. Your friends don’t need it & your enemies won’t believe you anyway.
-ELBERT HUBBARD

If you’re not curious, it’s a sign that you’re stupid.
-DR. FRANK CRANE

It’s better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not.
-ANDRE GIDE

Drenk yur Megnulya melk ebridi!
-MOMMY DIONISIA!

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A lola meditating & praying the way of the cross in a church.
Lalake: “Lola, baliktad ang way of the cross nyo.”
Lola: “Ha? Tama ito iho.”
Lalake: “Mali po, dapat po sa 1st station ang umpisa, hindi sa 14th station.”
Lola: “Ganun ba? Kaya palakas nang palakas ang Kristo!”

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Pari sa confessional room..
BABAE: “Uhmm, Father, ang guapo at cute nyo naman. Bakit pa kc kau nagpari?”
PARI: “Dahil ayaw pumayag ng Simbahan na magmadre ako!!!”

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I asked God for water, He gave me a river.
I asked for light and He gave me the sun.
I asked for a friend and He gave me you.
I asked why and He said, “Akala ko naghahanap ka ng mauutangan.”

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If if if??
If president PNOY vacates d presidency,
.
.
.
will vice president BINAY be willing to be called P-NAY

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BATA: (nagdadasal) “Lord, si Jose Rizal na lang sana pumatay kay Magellan. Amen.”
(Nadinig ng tatay)
AMA:”Bakit naman Hijo?”
BATA:”Yun po kasi sagot ko sa test e.”

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Guy was screwing his best friend’s wife when suddenly he stops.
WIFE: “What’s your problem?”
GUY: (moaning) “I feel like a Son Of a Bitch, getting my best friend’s pussy.”
WIFE:” Well, if that’s all it is, you can stop worrying, you’re not getting his pussy. His pussy is six inches deeper.”

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Top 10 Moronic Moments~
1. Umihi ka at natalsikan ang damit mo.
2. Umakbay ka sa taong kala mo amigo mo.
3. Nanggulat pero walang nagulat.
4. Nagjoke ka, walang tumawa.
5. Aapir ka pero di ka inapiran.
6. Pag nabuko kang nakikitawa lang sa joke na di mo naman na gets.
7. Sumagot ka di ka namao pala kausap.
8. Napautot ka ng malakas sa isang sinehan habang tahimik lahat.
9. Lumabas ang sipon mo sa sobrang tuwa.
10. Tapos sininghot mo pabalik imbes na punasan.

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Thought For Today:
When you reach the age of 40, it’s harder to lose weight because by then your BODY and your FAT have become good friends.

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**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.