SMS Jokes 151

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Isang araw nangingisda sa park ang isang probinsyanong si Juan. Nakita siya ng guard..
Guard: “hoi!!! Bawal mamingwit dyan… hindi mo ba nakikita at nababasa “NO FISHING ALLOWED”
Juan: “grabe ka naman… nililiguan ko lang naman ang uod eh…”

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BOY: “Kaw lang ang babae sa buhay ko!”
GAL: “Bakit wala ka bang nanay?”

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“Parang elevator lang yan eh. Bakit mO pagsisiksikan un sarili mo kung wala ng puwesto para sayo. Eh meron namang hagdan, ayaw mo lang

pansinin.” ~ Bob Ong
May sumagot naman ng: “Mapuno man ang elevator, sigurado namang babalik din ito at darating yun panahon na makakasakay ka din.” ~ Juan Tamad

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PROFESSOR: Which of the two travels faster – heat or cold?
NURSING STUDENT: “Heat, sir.PROFESSOR: why?”
NURSING STUDENT: “We can’t catch heat but we can catch cold.”

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Facts:
Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you get fucked!

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A kid in a bus sitting behind the driver starts reciting, “if my dad was a bull n my mom is a cow, I’d be a little bull.” Driver gets irritated by the

noisy kid.
Kid continues, “if my dad was an elephant an my mom was a girl elephant, I would be a baby elephant.” Kid goes on & on with many animal names as the driver gets more irritated, and asks,

“what if your dad was a gay n your mom was a prostitute?”
Kid smiles & replies, “i would have been a bus driver!”

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1st man asked: Whats the similarity between a woman & a boat?”
2nd man replied: “The bottoms are always wet!”

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Sa isang repair shop merong sign na nakalagay:
“WE CAN FIX ANYTHING WITH GUARANTEE.
Please knock loud, doorbell out of order”

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I ran into a friend the other day & he clearly looked very distraught. I asked him what was wrong. He said, “As you know I am looking for employment. I found an ad in the paper for a local dinner theater, Shakespeare’s “Romeo & Juliet.””
“I went & tried out for the part of Romeo. However, I failed my audition through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction. My copy of the script clearly states, “Enter Juliet from the rear.””

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ERAP: “Pare, ang lakas ng ulan, hindi ka makakauwi. Dito ka na lang matulog.”
LAPID: “Sige, pare, dito na ko matutulog, kukunin ko lang pajama sa bahay.”
ERAP: “Sige, pare…hintayin kita.”

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A man is OLD if forgets to CLOSE his zipper!
OLDER if he forgets to OPEN his zipper!
OLDEST if he does not need a zipper. .
only PAMPERS!

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Young mother to a watching nurse after delivery…
“He’s only two days old and already he is just like his father..
HE SLEEPS WHILE I TALK TO HIM!”:-*

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A bank opened near a cemetery and put up this sign..
“You can’t take it with you when you go, but bank with us and you would at least be near it.”

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MASAHISTA: “sir, ano po gusto niyong masahe? HIGH or LOW?”
CUSTOMER: “Ano naman ang kaibahan ng HIGH at LOW?”
MASAHSTA: “Naka ti-HIGH-ya ako o nakaLOW-hod.”

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One day a man was asked by a friend whether he would instruct his daughters in different languages.
“No, pal,” he said, “one tongue is sufficient for any woman.”

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TRIVIA

“The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. It controls the Four “F’s”: 1. Fighting, 2. Fleeing 3. Feeding 4. F*ckng.” (Neuropsychology Professor)

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Begar- Give Me Food.
Man- I’l take u to the Bar.
Begar- I dont Drink, Give Me Food.
Man- I’l give u Cigars.
Begar- I don’t Smoke, Give Me Food.
Man- I’l take u to the Races.
Begar- I dont Gamble. Give Me Food.
Man- I’l Get u a Call Girl.
Begar- I only Sleep with My Wife. Give Me Food.
Man- I’l give u Food but First u have 2 come to My House.
Beggar- whY?
Man- I want My Wife to see wat happens to People, when they dont DRINK, SMOKE, GAMBLE & SLEEP WITH THEIR OWN WIVES ONLY.

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**All of the above SMS Jokes courtsey of MIKE. 😀

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