SMS Jokes 159

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New year na, wak suot POLKA DOTS symbol yan barya, coins lang yun. Suot kaw rectangle, sign yun TSEKE, pero wak tatalon pala hini BOUNCING CHECK. Happy New Year! πŸ˜›

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My New Year’s Wish List for you.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall. May your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your LDL, your white blood cells, not rise. May you wake up on January 1, finding the world has not come to an end, the light works, the water faucet flows, and the sky has not fallen! HAPPY NEW YEAR! πŸ™‚

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Sabi Fengshui expert:
To have a Plospelous New Year, buy ikaw..
12 apples,
12 olanges,
12 flied chicken&
12 siomai,
put in a box, lap it nicely & send it to ME! Luck will shoely come to you!
Paki dak-dak 1 oldel pancit pala mas waswerti!!!
O misua canton na may quail egg pala lalo swelti!

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Napasilip si Totoy sa kwarto ng kanyang Dad at Mom. Na shock siya sa kanyang nakita. Sinigawan ni Totoy ang kanyang Mom: “Mommy, pinagagalitan mo ko pagsinusopsop ko ang hinlalaki ko! Pero ikaw?!”

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What is a KISS in…
GEOMETRY: it is the shortest distance between two lips.
ECONOMICS: it is that thing for which demand always exceeds supply.
PHYSICS: it is the process of charging a human body.
IT: it’s like a LAN in which two bodies are connected without any data cable.

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A teenager asked his Dad if he can use the car..
DAD: No, not until you cut your hair!
TEENAGER: But, Dad, Jesus had a long hair!
DAD: Yup, but Jesus walked everywhere! πŸ˜€

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You’d think that since men have two heads, they,d be smarter than women! Not true since they do most of their thinking with the smaller one.:-P

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A wife said to her husband when he came home, “Honey, got get a dozen condoms quickly. I’m horny.”

The husband said, “Great, darling, don’t cool down. I’ll be right back.”

When he returns with the condoms, wife snatches the packets and said, “Thanks” and walked out of the door.

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Frenchman & an Italian were seated next to a Pinoy on a plane. After a few drinks, they talked about their domestic life.

“Last night, I made life to my wife 4X,” the French bragged, “and this morning she made me a delicious crepes & she told me how much she adores me.”

“Ah, last night, I made love to my wife 6X,” said the Italian, “this morning, she made me a fantastic truffle omellete & told me she wouldn’t love another man!”

Pinoy was silent, the French goaded him. Pinoy replied he made love to his wife once.

“Only once?” the Italian snorted. “What did she say to you this morning?”

“DON’T STOP!”:-*

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A man was walking when he kicked a bottle. All of a sudden a genie popped out, “I will grant you three wishes.” The man smiled and said, “Ok, I want to be soft to the touch, but hard as a rock and surrounded by pussy.”

The genie smiled, “Wish granted,” and the man became a tampon.

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Sumakay sa jeep na walang laman.
Babae: man0ng bayad p0.
Driver: ilan ito?
Babae: ay man0ng dalawa yan, nakakahiya kasi sayo, kahit ako lang mag isa sakay m0, dalawa na ibabayad k0. libre na kita kahit say0 t0ng jeep.

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“Desire is the starting point of all achievement,

not a hope
not a wish
but a keen pulsating desire
w/c transcends everyting”
– Napoleon Hil

Sa Tagalog,libog ang umpisa ng lahat ng tagumpay. Masusi at nagpupumiglas na libog na tagos sa laman.

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A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, ” And now , Lord, that I have your undivided attention….”

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Husband to wife in a wake: Honey, ayoko dito. Alam mo naman takot ako sa patay. Wife to husband: Honey, anong takot? Everytime jumijingle ka hawak mo patay.

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Frog: what does my future hold?
Fairy: you’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
Frog: Great! Will I meet her in a party.
Fairy: No! In biology class.

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“Sawang-sawa na ako sa pambabae mo! Demonyo ka talaga! Gabi-gabi na lang puro pambababae ang ginagawa mo, Hudas! Iiwanan na kita at babalik na ako. . .
sa Mister ko!”

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Happy New Year, folks!

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike

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