SMS Jokes 2011-160

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Sa commercial ni Krissy…
Kris: “Bimby, Can I Crack your egg?”
Baby James: “mommy, be careful.”

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Nasa bundok ka, nahulog cellfone mo at asawa mo, anong gagawin mo?
Magpakatotoo ka, sagipin mo cell mo at isigaw mo sa asawa mo na…” text na lang kitaaa!”

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A parsimonious Chinese in a taxi travelling down a steep hill when suddenly the driver said, “Patay! Wala taung brake!”
The Chinese yells back, “PUTAAA! Hinto muna metlo!”

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Dear God,
All I ask for the New Year is…

“A FAT WALLET AND A THIN BODY”.

Please do not mix them up like you did last year!

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Pagkatapos ng reception sa kasal…
Bride: “Hon, nakaligo na ko.”
Groom: “Mabuti naman!”
Bride: “Tulog na tayo!”
Groom: “Sige! Tara na!”
Bride: “Wala na akong panty…”
Groom: “Ha?! Paano nangyari yun eh tatlong dosena yung ineregalo ko sayo ah?!”

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Pagnakita mo “Ex” mo na may kahalikang iba, ganito gawin mo.
Panoorin mo sila at hintayin matapos. Kapag nakita ka nila, sabihin mo: “Galing humalik ng Ex” ko noh? Ako nagturo jan!”

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Thought For Today:

“When you reach the age of 40, it’s harder to lose weight because by then your BODY and your FAT have become good friends.”

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DENTIST: “Would you please help me out? I’d like you to give a few loud screams?”
PATIENT: “Why, Doc? It isn’t that bad.”
DENTIST: “Well, there are 10 people in the waiting room right now & I don’t want to miss the 5pm ballgame on TV.”

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There are seven ages of women:
the baby,
the girl,
the teen-ager,
the young woman,
the young woman,
the young woman,
the young woman.

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New Style Of Proposing
Boy: “Can I take your photo?”
Girl: “Why?”
Boy: “Just a keepsake to show my children how their Mother looked in her younger years!”

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Habang nasa mall ang mag-asawa…
MISIS: “Hon, nalimutan ko palang bunutin ang plantsa sa saksakan!”
MISTER: “Hindi naman siguro masusunog ang bahay natin, kasi nakalimutan ko yung gripo sa kusina!”

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Titser: “Jun, ano ba naman? Di ba sinabi ko kapag may assignment ka, magpaturo ka sa magulang mo dahil di mo pa kayang gawing magisa.”
Jun: “Opo, Mam! Sabi nyo nga po yun!”
Titser: “Eh bakit ganito? Puro mali ang sagot mo? Nasaan ba ang magulang mo?”
Jun: “Mam, nasa Grade 1 po, magkaklase!”

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Mga Hangarin ng Isang Lassenggo:
1. Sana sa hilo dulot ng espiritu ng alak, pansamantalang makatakas sa magulong mundo.
2. Sana sa walang humpay na tawanan at kalokohan, maitago lahat ng sakit at kalungkutan.
3. Sana sa pag-ikot ng tagay, maisabay at matangay ang problema nais ibahagi.
4. Sana sa pagbuga ng usok ng yosi, mailabas ang sama ng loob.
5. At sa bawat pagtaas ng bote, sana may mga kaibigang walang sawang kakampay sa tagumpay man o kabiguan…

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JUAN: “Ang gulo ng buhay talaga!”
ITOY: “May gugulo pa basa buhay ko? Tingnan mo, yung pinakasalang kong biyuda may dalagitang anak, na pinakasalan naman ni Tatay. E di lumalabas na Nanay ko sya ngaun, si Tatay anak ko, at ang asawa ko naman ay biyenan ni Tatay. Nang magkaanak si Tatay at ang dalagita, ako ngaun ang lolo ng kapatid ko! Ang gulo!”

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A separated woman confided to a friend, “My ex-husband wants to marry me again.”
“How flaterring!” the friend said.
“Not really. I think he’s after the money I got from the separation.”

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Jr: “Doc, can i have sex with my pregnant wife?”
Dr: “1st 3 months will be just like Normal, next 3 months you should do like a Dog & last 3 months like a Tiger.”
Jr: “TiGER?”
Dr: Tiger Woods, sleep with other women!”

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If a girl is in love, her parents will ask who’s the idiot?
If a man is in love, his parents ask Idiot, who’s the girl?
Proposed Theory: Men are normal before love, but become idiots after they fall in love!

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** Thank you so much, MIKE…for the above SMS jokes.

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How important is eye makeup?

Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That’s why it’s so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. Remember, if it weren’t for the excellent application of proper eye makeup, this young lady probably wouldn’t get a second look from most guys. . .

But then again, I could be wrong!

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