SMS Jokes 2011-161

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(mag-ama naguusap)

Tatay: “sawang-sawa na ako sayo.. paulit ulit ka na lang dito.. huling exam mo na to… at pag bumagsak ka parin dito wag na wag mo na akong tatawaging tatay at hindi na kita anak.”
Anak: “cge ho tay!”

(matapos ang exam)

Tatay: “oh.. kamusta ang exam?”
Anak: “ayus lang dude!”

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In a court, the prosecutor dropped all cases against the accused. The prosecutor remarked that would be impossible for a woman with a six-inch nose to give a blow job to a man with a three-inch dick!

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Crazy Fact:
The biggest seller today is COOKBOOKS and the second is DIET books.
The latter advise you how not to eat what you have just learned how to cook.

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Reproductive Health Bill, inspires DOH slogan :
” Wag Magpaputok! ”

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A kid stunned his parents when he emptied his pockets of coins and money bills. Finally his mother asks, “Where did you get all that money?”
“At the church,” the boy said, “they have boxes of em!”

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Ang PUSO maraming laman,
may dugo, may ugat,
may muscle, at marami pang iba.
Pero alam mo ba kung anong laman ng puso ko?

YUN DIN. Ano akala mo, ikaw? πŸ˜›

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Written in a RESTAURANT. . . .
“All our waiters are married, they know how to take Orders!!!”

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MAID: “Pads, ayaw magsindi ng stove nyo..
PARI: Inday, matagal ka nang ngtatrabaho dito sa kumbento, iisang pamilya na tayo… Kaya wag mo ng sasabihing STOVE NYO, PLANTSA NYO, BALDE NYO.. .atin lahat mga gamit dito…sabihin mo ATING stove, ok?”
MAID: “Opo pads!”

(dumalaw ang obispo sa pari..)

Tumakbo si Inday papunta sa kanila..

MAID: “Pads, Pads! May daga sa loob ng ATING kwarto, pumasok sa ilalim ng ATING kama!”
PARI: SHAAADAAP!!!

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There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a “lady of the night” & says, “For 300 bucks, I’ll do anything you want.”
Our hero thinks for a moment then says, “Ok. Paint my house, honey!”

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Babae:”Doc, ano pipiliin ko? Gwapo o Pangit?”
Doctor: “Ikaw. ano ba talaga gusto mo, sa gwapo na sasaktan kalang o sa pangit sasakit lang naman ang mata mo?” πŸ™‚

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Kapag nakita mo yung mahal mo na may kasama ng iba, wag kang magagalit o magseselos…
sabihin mo na lang, “EXCUSE ME KARIBAL, DADAAN ANG ORIGINAL…may angal?”

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What if MEN have monthly period too?
?
?
?
?
?
?
“PRE, MAY TAGOS BA?”

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“Hindi lahat ng quotes patama sayo. . .
Minsan,
sadyang ASSUMING at GUILTY ka lang.”

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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for years. One day, she confided that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation and marriage, he gave her a big sum of money to go to Italy. If she stays in Italy to raise the child, he would further provide child support.

She consented but wanted to know how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to send him a postcard with the word “spaghetti” written on it.

Eight months later, the man received a postcard and written on it: “Spaghetti. Spaghetti. Spaghetti. 2 meat balls, 1 without.”

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** Maraming salamat ulit sa mga jokes, MIKE! Mwah!

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