“Ako’y simpleng tao lamang.
Kumbaga sa bigas, ako ay NFA.
Student: “magkano rice nyo?”
Student: “yung tutong?”
Student: “tutong na lang. yung gulay magkano?”
Student: “e yung sabaw?”
Student: “sabaw na lang po.”
Student: “may coke kau?”
Tindera: (cguro bibili talaga) “uhmm… P8.
Student: “bigyan nyo nga ako ng isa.. (sabay bunot sa bulsa) Eto oh… tansan… free coke daw.”
There are two options when you want to sleep with someone:
1. The one with torrid kisses, hot foreplays, and non-stop sex; or
2. Warm embrace, a good night kiss, and the phrase: “Sweet dreams, I love you babe… mwah!”
Which one would you choose?
Kung pinili mo no. 2…
SENIOR CITIZEN ka na!
Q: What’s the difference between a POETRY and an ESSAY?
Anything uttered by a girlfriend is POETRY while anything said by a wife is an ESSAY!
Erap (drunk in a party): Lady, why don’t u want to dance w/me in your Princess-white gown?
Lady: 2 reasons:
I don’t dance with drunk men & I’m Cardinal Rosales!
At a hospital:
DOCTOR: “Your complete recovery is a miracle.”
PATIENT: “Thank and Praise God! Now I don’t have to pay you!”
Isang driving instructor nagtuturong magmaneho sa isang babae: “Pag green ang kulay ng traffic light, dumeretso ka, pag pula, huminto ka, pero hinay-hinay ka lang pag ako ay namuti!”
For 2011, take special care of yourself & avoid injuries bcoz spare parts for old models are no longer n stock!
When someone says..
“You look good.”
Ang matinding sagot ko ay…
“I taste even better!”
A Boy takes a new Girlfriend out for dinner. She orders costly french champagne & oysters for starters. Next, when she orders king lobsters, he asks her,”Do you eat like this at your mother’s house.”
She replies “No, but my mother doesn’t want to fuck me after dinner.”
Teacher: “juan, ano sinabi ng mga magulang mo ng makita ang grades mo?”
Juan: “lahat po ba o tatanggalin ko po yung Bad wOrds?”
Teacher: “tanggalin mo ang bad wOrds.”
Juan: “wala po.”
Boss looked towards his secretary who was absorbed in painting her fingernails.
Said he, “I’d like to compliment you on your work… but when are you going to do any?”
A woman gave birth to quadruplets.
Upon seeing her husband, she got out of her hospital bed
and slapped him shouting,
“Kita mo ang epekto ng dog style!”
A man whispers to a young lady pharmacist for a box of Viagra. She replied, “We don’t sell it without prescription.”
To play on her sympathy, the man said, “I don’t have a prescription but I have the patient with me.”
A woman’s three biggest lies. . .
1. You’re the Biggest.
2. You’re the Best.
3. It doesn’t always taste like that.
M’AM: “Inday, sa susunod, ayokong pinakikialaman mo ang condom namin ng sir mo!”
INDAY: “M’am, hwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami sanay ni Sir gumamit niyan! Sobra kayo!”
bata: “tao po?”
tindera: “ano yun?”
bata: “may load po kayo?”
bata: “papasa daw po ng quotes si nanay. ung love quotes daw po. salamat!”
Importance of the thumb:
* Roman kings used it to signify life or death
* Children use it for sucking
* Hitchhikers use it to get a ride
* Shooters use it to cock their guns
* Priests use it to annoint
* Illiterate use it as signature
* Winners used it as a victory sign..
* and my fans use it to read my SMS… hehehe!
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike.