SMS Jokes 2011-168

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“Nakakaloka! Nag field trip anak ko. Tinanong ng guide kung sinong explorer naka discover sa bulacan ang sinagot si “dora!” with conviction. Toink!”

SMS Joke courtesy of Dennis

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AMA: “Nakita mo ugali ng anak mo…basta basta na lang ako tinalikuran!”
INA: “Hmmn… wag ka nang magtaka!”
AMA: “Anong ibig mong sabihin?”
INA: “Eh di ba, nung ginagawa natin siya eh palaging patalikod ang style natin?!”

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“We are like wines and cheeses, the more we age the more we get better.”

O, ayan!

Sayo ko lang pinadala yan kasi yung iba parang suka na habang tumatanda ay lalong
umaasim!

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Ang sex parang mga construction workers:
Pag mga 20, karpintero, pukpok ng pukpok;
Pag mga 35, mason, himas ng himas;
Pag mga 60, pintor, brocha ng brocha na lang;
Pag mga 70 patanda, kapatas, patingin tingin na lang.

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GREEN TEA – good 4 blood circulation & skin condition.
JASMIN TEA- good 4 liver protection; relieves headache.
BLACK TEA – good 4 d pancreas & controlsblood sugar.
BINA TEA – good 4 d prostate.
PAN TEA – protects d vagina fr d elements.
TEA TEA – good 4 vaginal stress.

Take d right tea.

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A man at a London’s Harrods is looking at handbags for his wife. He picks one up & asks how much it would cost. Clerk replies, “500 for that one.”
Shocked, the man says, “500! It’s only small & doesn’t look special.”
Clerk says, “It’s the material it’s made of.” Confused the man asks what it’s made of.
Clerk grins & says, “Foreskin. You give it a rub & a lick & it grows into a suitcase!”

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As the horror movie reaches its terrifying end, a young woman began figeting in her seat. The man sitting behind her leaned forward and inquired quietly, “feeling hysterical?”
“No,” she whispered, pointing to her boyfriend. “He’s feeling mine.”

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An American tourist stood staring at the Royal Highland sentry guard at Edinburgh Castle. After a few minutes, she went up to the sentry and asks, “I’ve always wanted to find what’s worn under the kilt.”
The sentry replied, “There is nothing worn, Ma’am, it’s all in perfect working order.”

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Top 10 Things not to say to a naked man
10. “Awww… that’s cute.”
9. “Well, at least you’re good at other things.”
8. “Do you think it’ll fit my old Barbie clothes.”
7. “My li’l brother has one like that.”
6. “Are you cold?”
5. …giggles…
4.” Maybe we should be friends.”
3. “Can you make it dance.”
2.” Uhmm… maybe you should get dressed.”
1. “Oh… look… it’s hiding!”

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A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon were having drinks at an interfaith conference.
The Jew, bragging about his virility said, “I have 4 sons, 1 more & I’ll have a basketball team!”
The Catholic pooh-poohed this stating, “I have 10 sons, 1 more & I’ll have a football team.”
To all this, the Mormon said, “You guys ain’t got a clue. I have 17 wives, 1 more & I’ll have a golf course!”

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Paalala sa mga babae at lalakeng naghahanap ng mamahalin..

Sa panahon ngayon,
RULER na lang ang talagang straight.

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Pag inutusan ka ng nanay mo:
“Anak, abot mo nga ung gamot ko sa cabinet.”

Kanino mo iaabot yung gamot… sa nanay mo o sa cabinet?

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Judge: Why do you want to divorce?
Husband: She doesn’t satisfy me in bed.
Wife: The whole neighborhood is happy, only this idiot has a problem!

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Definition of Live-in Relationship:
“I’m living with a girl but we’re not married. It’s like leasing with an option to buy.”:D

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Wife in the mood for kinky sex decided to surprise her husband. She wore a black bra, black stockings, stilletos and a mask over her eyes.
When the husband came in the door and saw her he said,

What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

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**The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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