SHANE MOSLEY: “I can KNOCK Pacquiao 0ut with 1 punch!”
PACMAN: “SHANE on you! Everything you say are MOSLEY Lies!”
Lalake: “Boss, magpapagawa ako ng tattoo ng pinakamagandang babae sa buong mundo.”
Tattooist: “Sige po sir. Saan nyo po gustong ipalagay?”
Lalake: “Sa mukha ng asawa ko!”
Driver nahuli nang overspeeding sa isang accident prone area.
Pulis: “Bakit ang bilis mong magpatakbo ng sasakyan. Alam mo bang accident prone area to?”
Driver: “Kaya ko nga po binilisan ko e para malagpasan ko agad!”
Boy: “Balbon ka pala.”
Girl: “Oo, bakit?”
Boy: “Suwerte ka.”
Boy: “Oo suwerte ka”
Girl: “Ano nga ba ang dahilan at suwerte ako?”
Boy: “Kasi sa dinami ng buhok mo hindi ka naging unggoy!”
Sa Brgy. Ayala Alabang..
Man: “Miss, condom nga. Pakibilisan, nagmamadali ako.”
Saleslady: “Teka sir, meron ba kayong reseta?”
Man: “Bakit? Kailan pa naging sakit ang libog?” ð
Question Asked In A Talent Contest..
“If you are married to one of a Twin Sisters, how do you recognize your wife?”
The Best Answer: “Why should I?”
1. Your Wife Is Always Right.
2. When Your Wife Is Wrong, See Rule Number 1.
Erap driving a truck, with Lito Lapid accompanying him. They arrive infront of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS.
Erap measures the truck an says, “3.2 meters.”
Lito looks furtively around and says, “Walang pulis! Tara na!”
Customer to waitress: “Sa tuwing pupunta ka dito laging puro bills and payment na lang binibigay mo saken, number mo kaya kelan mo ibibigay?”
Girl has been dating one man steadily for a year, and her mom was concerned. “Exactly what are his intentions?” the mother demanded.
“Well, mom, I’m really not sure,” the girl said. “He’s been keeping me pretty much in the dark!”
Two Ilocanos met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship.
“Let’s have ‘bagnet’ and beer like in the old days,” the first Ilocano said.
“OK,” his friend replied. “And don’t forget it’s your treat!”
Mister na lasing tinanong ang misis:
“Paano kung masaya ka na sa kasalukuyan, tapos, isang araw, binalikan ka ng nakaraan. Alin ang iiwan mo? Yung ngayon na unggoy ka na? O yung una na mukhang dinosaur ka pa? Hikhikhik!”
A woman strode angrily into a supermart, slapped a package on the counter to expressed her dissatisfaction.
Clerk asks, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?”
The woman’s got large and whispers, “Do you mean to tell me that ‘PUSSY TREATS’ are for cats?” :-*
Question For The Ages
If you’ve ended up in Hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? ð
Man has laryngitis. He goes to the doctor’s house and knocks on the door.
The doc’s wife answers and man whipers, “Is the doctor home?”
She whispers back, “No. Come on in.”
Difference between God, Tailor, Girl friend & wife?
God makes MAN,
Tailor makes him GENTLEMAN,
Girl Friend Makes him HEMAN
Wife makes him an obedient DOBERMAN !
A man thought he is a racehorse so his wife had him confined in a nuthouse. A few weeks later, the doc at the asylum asks the wife to get her husband.
WIFE: “Is he cured?”
DOC: “No, but he broke ės leg today on the fifth race, so he’s putting himself out to stud.”
** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIke