SMS Jokes 2011-175

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Husband to Hotel Manager: “Please come immediately. My wife wants to jump out of the window.”
Hotel Manager: “What can I do to help, sir?”
Husband: “Idiot! The window is locked!”

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your mother-in-law?”
He replied, “Call for backup.”

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Boss: “Did you get any orders today?”
Salesman: “Yes, I got two!”
Boss: “Congratulations! What were they?”
Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”

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A friend asked a lady, “I supposed you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?”
“Yes, a strand of my husband’s hair.”
“But your husband’s still alive!”
“Yes. But his hair’s gone!”

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“Oh gosh,” sighed a wife, “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!”
Her husband looks up from the newspaper and remarks, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been giving me a piece of it everyday for thirty years!”

 

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Patient: “I have spent eighty per cent of my savings on doctors.”
Doctor: “Why didn’t you come to me earlier?”

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Erap asked people what time it was and they told him it was 3:25. He was puzzled and said, “It’s weird, I have been asking that question all day and each time I get different answer!”

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A guy at a public toilet used the urinal between two old people. He glanced to his left and saw the guy pissing, but there were two streams.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“War wounds. Vietnam, bullet in the dick, left two holes.”
Then the guy looked to his right and saw twelve streams!
“War wounds?” he asked
“Naah,” the second old guy said, “my zipper’s stuck.”

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The doctor stood by the bedside of a gravely ill man and said, “I can’t hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?”
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor.”

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A Pakistani family in America admitted their 98years old grandfather in a good Nursing home.
After sometime they visited Grandpa :
“How do yOu feel here?” they asked

“It’s wonderful here’

Everyone here is so courteous and respectful

There’s a Musician, 85years old, hasn’t played the violin in 20yearsand everyone still calls him “MAESTRO”.

There is a Judge, 95years old, hasn’t been on the bench in 30years and everyone still calls him “YOUR HONOR”!There’s a Dentist, 90years old, hasn’t fixed a tooth for
25years and everyone still calls him “dear DOC”.

and there is ME

I haven’t had sex for 35years, and still they call me  “The Fucking Pakistani” !

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** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike.

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