GMA : "Hello!"
Ombudsman: "Hello mam, si Merci po ito."
GMA: "Yes Merci, bakit ka napatawag?"
Ombudsman: "Kasi po nag rule na ang SC na pwede daw ituloy yung impeachment ko."
GMA: "O bakit, natatakot ka?"
Ombudsman: "Opo mam."
GMA: "Ay naku Merci, bakit hindi ka gumaya kay Angie at manahimik ka na lang."
Inside motel after sex iyak si babae.
Lalake: “Huwag ka nang umiyak papunta tayo sa inyo pakakasalan kita.”
Babae: “Paano kung di pumayag ang mister ko?”
REASONS WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE SINGLE:
1. DESTINY ADDICT – umaasa sa tadhana.
2. PERFECTIONIST – sobrang choosy! naman!
3. BUSYBUSYHAN – mga taong workaholic.
4. FRIENDSHIP THEORY – kung friends, friends lng tlga.
5. X TO D nTH POWER – taong di makaget over sa past relationship.
6. FAMILY FEUD – takot sa parents.
7. FOREVER BASTED – walang nagkamali.
8. HEART ATTACK – yaw masaktan.
9. WAITER – hintay ng hintay, wala naman inaantay.
10 yrs of marriage couple go on 2nd Honeymoon. They checked-in hotel room.
Husband scribbles note on Sign & hangs it outside the door.
It reads. . .”Do Not Disturb. Already Very Disturbed”
A lawyer walks into his client’s cell and says, "I’ve got good news and bad news for you.."
The prisoner says, "Okay. What’s the bad news?"
"The bad news is that the President won’t issue a reprieve.. you go to the chair tomorrow."
"Oh, that’s horrible. What possibly could be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your Voltage reduced!"
When you are lonely and your mind is being eaten by a conducive feeling of desperation, close your eyes and concentrate..
Umotot ka lang solve na lahat! ðŸ˜›
Boy: Miss pwede magtanong? Anong oras na ba?
Girl: Nagtatanong ka ng oras?
Tapos tatanungin mo name ko?
Tapos liligawan mo ako?
Tapos bibisita ka sa bahay.
Tapos magda-date tayo.
Tapos sasagutin kita.
Tapos dadalhin mo ko kahit san lang.
Tapos may mangyayari sa atin.
Tapos papakasal tayo.
Tapos bubugbugin mo lang ako!?
At pano na ang mga bata?
Hindi ko sasabihin kung anung oras na!
Boy nosebleed & speechless
An old man had hearing problems for years. His doctor had him fitted with a set of hearing aids that allowed the gent to hear 100%.
The old man went back in a month to the doctor and the doc said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be pleased that you can hear again."
The man replied, "Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!" ;(
Boss: Did you get any orders today?
Salesman: Yes, I got two!
Boss: Congratulations! What were they?
Salesman: "Get out!" and "Stay out!"
Girl: "Hay! Ang daming pogi, mga bading naman."
Boy: "Bakit ako? Hindi naman ako bading ah?"
Girl: "Hindi ka di naman pogi eh."
What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?
Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!
Doctor’s Son: "Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines on success."
Doctor: "Always, write prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly."
They say a husband is like a Split-type Air Conditioner. . .
no matter how loud he is outdoors, he is designed to be QUIET indoors!
A little boy asked his father: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"
The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother because I still have mine."
BOY: "Why parang takot na takot ka?"
GIRL: "Syempre, muntik akong ma-rape dyan sa kanto, buti na lang may pera ako!"
BOY: "So binigay mo na lng pera mo?”
GIRL: “Hndi! Nagmotel kami. Nakakahiya kung dyan lang kami sa gilid gilid.”
A CAREFREE girl says, you can STAYFREE with me..
I will not WHISPER to anybody.
"Will you tell the court how far you were from the spot where the shooting occurred?" asked a defense lawyer.
"I was exactly ten feet, two inches," replied the witness.
"How can you be sure of the exact distance?" asked the lawyer.
"I carefully measured it because I was sure some fool would ask that question."
A 90 year old guy was asked how he was so healthy & had a lot of young girlfriends. His formula:
Sa umaga: Gatas
Sa noon: Frutas
Sa night: Butas
** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.
FOR NEW PARENTS
Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together.