SMS Jokes 2011-177

Types of Men You Meet in Men’s Urinals
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is hung.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals in used, pisses in the sink.
CLEVER: No hands, looks around and pisses on floor.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays streams up, down and across urinals, tries to hit bug or fly.
TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap and then does both.
DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
CONCEITED: Hold two inch dick like baseball bat.

PARI: "Dapat natin tulungan ang ating kapwa. Kung meron kang 100 manok, ipamimigay mo ba sa mahirap yon?"
JOSE: "Opo pader."
PARI: "E kung 200 manok?"
JOSE: "Opo pader."
PARI: "E kung 1 baboy?"
JOSE: "Hindi na po pader, may alaga po kasi akong isang baboy."

Maraming Daan!
Ely Soriano: Ang Dating Daan
I. N. K.: Ang Tamang Daan
PENOY: Ang Matuwid na Daan
Gen. Ligot: Di Ko Matandaan

NEWS FLASH!
Ghadafi agreed w/ d rebels 2 divide Libya so he can cling 2 power.
D country’s now divided into:
Libya Majora and Libya Minora.

After a quarrel, a wife said 2 her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it."

    Girl1: "I knew right away he was a loser."

    Girl2: "How did you know so fast?"
    Girl1: "He said he would give me "multiple organisms."

    "Did you water the plants, hon?" asks Loi.
    "Of course, dear," Erap replied. "Don’t you hear the water dripping on the carpet?"

    A man was in the pub with his wife and said, "I love you."
    She asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
    He replied, "It’s me. . .
    Talking to the beer. . ."

    Two sisters passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed help. Younger sister replied, "No, I’m just looking at your nuts." Older sister laughs hysterically.

    When asked how she feels if someone gives her a flying kiss, she replied, "I feel. . . . . . .
    Boys are very lazy!"

    WIFE: "I wish I was a newspaper so I’ll be in your hands all day."
    HUSBAND: "I wish that too, so I can change you everyday!"

    Question: What is a virgin?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    ?
    Answer: A girl who won’t take in what a guy is taking out.

    Moses pagkakuha ng Ten Commandments: "Good news and bad news. Ligtas na tayo! Ang bad news hindi tinanggal ang adultery sa sampung utos!"

    Tanong: Ano sa Chinese ang "Inay, tingnan mo ang buwan"?
    Sagot: Mamonluk

    If in your dream you are surrounded by lions, tigers, horses and giraffes. . .
    Relax ka lang sigawan mo yung mama na pahintuin ang carousel!

    A man donates blood to save his girlfriend’s life. Later, they broke up and he wants it back.
    She hands him a tampon and says, "Here, I’ll pay you monthly!"

    Why do men like to have sex in front of a mirror?
    Objects may appear larger than they really are.

    ** All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE pogi! 😛

    oOo

    “Never let anyone fall for you when you know there’s someone Else in your heart & mind”

     

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