SMS Jokes 2011-179

NANAY: “San ka galing? Bat ngayon ka lang?”
ANAK: …
NANAY: “Aba, hindi ka ngayon makapagsalita! Sumagot ka, SUMAGOT KA!”
ANAK: “Nagparty nga kami eh!”
NANAY: “At kelan ka pa natutong SUMAGOT sa mga nakakatanda, ha?!?!”

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BOY: “Unggoy ka ba?”
GAL: “Dahil lumalambitin ako sa puso mo?”
BOY: “Mali.”
GAL: “Bakit?”
BOY: “Baka gusto mong tikman ang saging ko.”

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LOLO: “Apo magtago ka, nandiyan na titser mo. Alam niya umabsent ka ngayon, di ba?”
APO: “Lo, magtago ka rin kasi sabi ko patay ka kaya ako umabsent.”

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A lady became ill while at work and was rushed to a hospital. In typical ER fashion, she was placed on an examination table, and then ignored for half an hour.
Finally, she noticed a doc out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!"
"Sorry,"
he said, "it’s not my table."

Judge to lady
QUESTION: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?”
ANASWER: “He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
QUESTION: “Why did that upset you?”
ANSWER: “My name is Candy.”

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Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their domestic life, one said, "Seems like all that my husband and I do is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds."
"Why don’t you just leave him then?"
asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first."

Brenda is home making dinner when Tim, her husband’s co-employee arrives. "Brenda, I’ve something to tell ya."
"Go ahead, Tim. But where’s my husband?"
"That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident at the brewery."
"Oh God no!"
cries Brenda.
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Pilsen and drown."
"Oh my dear Jesus! Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no, Brenda. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

PATIENT: “Doc, my GIRL FRIEND is very, very sexy & pretty but unfaithful. Every Friday she goes to WOODY’s Bar, picks up men, fucks them! What should I do?”
DOCTOR: “Ok. Take a deep breath & calm down. Now tell me, WHERE EXACTLY IS WOODY’s Bar?”

Naranasan
mo na ba
magmahal
ng taong

handang
tawirin
ang dagat
at mga bund0k

.

.

…MAIWASAN KA LANG.

Hahaha!

TEACHER: “Name the world’s greatest explorers.’”
JUAN: “Christopher Columbus.”
JOSE: “Ferdinand Magellan.”
RAUL: “Vasco de Gama.”
KULAS: “DORA the Explorer!”

** Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

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