SMS Jokes 2011-180

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Nagbalikbayan ang anak ni Karyo after 20 years sa Amerika. Isang umaga, nag-uusap ang mag-ama:
KARYO: “John, marami akong ITINURO sa ating bagong maid.”
JOHN: “Dad, please speak in English!”
KARYO: “John, I fingered our new maid many times!”

A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells him to use “chicken not bread” in a sentence. The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman’s head and yells, “Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!”

Prince Charles at kulangot:
Si Prince Charles ay heir to the throne.
Ang kulangot ay thrown to the air!

Magaling na gitarista si Mang Juan. Lagi syang pinagkakaguluhan ng mga tao.
TAO 1: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba yung Endless Love?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko.”
TAO 2: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba yung My Way?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko.”

Napansin ng isang bata na labas ang bayag ni Mang Juan.
BATA: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba labas ang betlog nyo?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko!”

Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this:
Apenisinhermouth…
What did you read? A pen is in her mouth, or did your dirty mind read something else?

BOY: “Can I call you, Mine?”
GIRL: “That’s not my name. I’m Yours!”

Mga Hindi Tamang Sagot sa Maayos na Tanong:
1. Kumain ka na? – Busog pa ko.
2. Anong oras klase mo? – Mamaya pa.
3. Andyan ba nanay mo? – Bakit po?
4. Paano mo ginawa yan? -Madali lang.
5. San kayo galling? – Nagstroll lang.

Why is P3.70 = P13.20?

Because trisibinti = tresebente!

ANAK: “Mommy, kinakain ba ang shit?”
MOMMY: “Ha? Hindi kinakain ang shit. Bakit mo naman naitanong?
ANAK: “Kasi kagabi narinig kita, mommy…sabi mo kay Daddy, “Oh shit, ang sarap!”

THERAPIST: “To what do you compare your penis?”
JUAN: “Lion”because it’s strong!”
PEDRO: “Giraffe” because it’s long.”
BOY:”Mouse.”
JUAN and PEDRO: “Why mouse? Is it small?”
BOY: “No. Because it’s always chased by pussies!”

** Thank you KUPS, for the jokes.

Promise Ring

Promise ring –engagement ring It is almost every woman’s wish who are in long, deep, serious relationship to be able to slip that ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. Promise ring, also known as engagement ring, most often with a diamond, is a symbol of two people’s love and commitment towards each other.

How much an engagement ring should cost?

Well, it has become an adage that an engagement ring should worth equal to two months of the man’s salary. Whew! Does it really have to cost like that? Poor boyfriend! Lol! Of course, it is just a myth.

While browsing those important pieces of jewelry, suddenly I got a curious feeling. I wonder how it feels to wear something like that…a simple representation that, “I belong to somebody else” already. Hmnn…

A Shutter

shutter I have a bedroom that has lots of windows and it becomes a problem for me lately. There’s too much sunlight entering my room that sometimes I can no longer sleep well. A bedroom’s primary function is a place to rest. If the room’s lighting is too bright, then it is no longer conducive to sleep. I am thinking, maybe I have to install either plantation shutters or window blinds to prevent passing of too much light in my room.

Sa Isang Iglap

Seeing images like this. . .

Devastating: A woman sobs on a road as she surveys the destroyed city of Natori in the region of Miyagi in northern Japan.

. . . makes me appreciate the most important thing in my life,

Laid waste: Huge swathes of land were destroyed when the tsunami hit Sendai in Miyagi province, sweeping away everything in its path.

. . . that me and my kids  are alive!

Screening: A mother tries to talk to her daughter who had been isolated for signs of radiation after evacuating from the vicinity of Fukushima’s nuclear plants.

She then drops down to talk to the family dog.

*Via: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

 

Time to be good na talaga. Time to be more loving. Time to have sex. (Joke!) Time to live a simpler life.

With all the material possesion that we have, kahit pa pinaghandaan at pinaka-iingatan mo pa yan, ipagkatago-tago mo man ang mga salafi mo, sa isang iglap, mawawala din pala.

Kitams, wala pala yan sa kung nasan ka. Nasa first world country ka man o third world country, sa isang kumpas ng kamay ni Inang Kalikasan, mapalad ka ng maituturing kung makakapag pa-canton ka pa ng “Lucky Me!” dahil natira pa sa ‘yo ang buhay mo.

Hays…

Hindi pa talaga tapos sa pagre-rearrange ng living room nya si Mother Nature.

oOo

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

 

Kinse

Karga-karga lang kita noon. . .

2011-01 (Jan)3

. . . akap-akap kahit bungi-bungi ka,

2011-01 (Jan)2

Pagkatapos ng 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15 na taon. . .

Parang si Kuya mo…eto ka na ngayon. . .

Keziah@15

. . . ayayay! youre so laki-laki na!

Ako na lang talaga ang hindi lumaki sa atin tatlo ng kuya mo. 🙁 At baka maunahan mo pa ako makapag-asawa ha?! Crying Char!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEH!

oOo

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.