SMS Jokes 2011-180

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Nagbalikbayan ang anak ni Karyo after 20 years sa Amerika. Isang umaga, nag-uusap ang mag-ama:
KARYO: “John, marami akong ITINURO sa ating bagong maid.”
JOHN: “Dad, please speak in English!”
KARYO: “John, I fingered our new maid many times!”

A Filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration tells him to use “chicken not bread” in a sentence. The Filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman’s head and yells, “Chee kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!”

Prince Charles at kulangot:
Si Prince Charles ay heir to the throne.
Ang kulangot ay thrown to the air!

Magaling na gitarista si Mang Juan. Lagi syang pinagkakaguluhan ng mga tao.
TAO 1: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba yung Endless Love?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko.”
TAO 2: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba yung My Way?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko.”

Napansin ng isang bata na labas ang bayag ni Mang Juan.
BATA: “Mang Juan, alam nyo ba labas ang betlog nyo?”
MANG JUAN: “Sige, kantahin mo, tutugtugin ko!”

Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this:
Apenisinhermouth…
What did you read? A pen is in her mouth, or did your dirty mind read something else?

BOY: “Can I call you, Mine?”
GIRL: “That’s not my name. I’m Yours!”

Mga Hindi Tamang Sagot sa Maayos na Tanong:
1. Kumain ka na? – Busog pa ko.
2. Anong oras klase mo? – Mamaya pa.
3. Andyan ba nanay mo? – Bakit po?
4. Paano mo ginawa yan? -Madali lang.
5. San kayo galling? – Nagstroll lang.

Why is P3.70 = P13.20?

Because trisibinti = tresebente!

ANAK: “Mommy, kinakain ba ang shit?”
MOMMY: “Ha? Hindi kinakain ang shit. Bakit mo naman naitanong?
ANAK: “Kasi kagabi narinig kita, mommy…sabi mo kay Daddy, “Oh shit, ang sarap!”

THERAPIST: “To what do you compare your penis?”
JUAN: “Lion”because it’s strong!”
PEDRO: “Giraffe” because it’s long.”
BOY:”Mouse.”
JUAN and PEDRO: “Why mouse? Is it small?”
BOY: “No. Because it’s always chased by pussies!”

** Thank you KUPS, for the jokes.

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