SMS Jokes 2011-181

Sa taon-taong pananaliksik at pag-aaral, ang plural pala ng rice ay. . .
EXTRA RICE!

*SMS courtesy of Grashiela

MOTTOS:

  • ”Time is Gold When Watching Bold.”
  • ”Pag binato ka ng bato. . . Hithitin mo.”
  • ”What is beauty if your KILIKILI is dirty.”
  • ”Ang batang matanong ay bibo at ang matandang matanong ay bobo.”
  • ”Ang taong pangit sa edit kumakapit.” 😀

 

It takes 300 little silkworms to make a girl a pair of silk panties..
But it takes only 1 big worm, to persuade her to take off her panty..
tama ba?

SUPERTEXT?
SULITEXT?
ALLTEXT?
GAANTEXT?
UNLITEXT?
… pero may bago mas matipid pa.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PATEXT!

A man driving is pulled over by a police officer. The  officer says, "I’d like to congratulate you. I’ve been following you for a while and your driving has been perfect. Congratulations!"
And the man replies, "Yeah, you’ve got to be careful when you’ve been drinking!"

During sex education class, the professor asks, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?"

A woman replies, "Probably golfing with his buddies."

If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
.
.
.
.
.
Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

A man was an entertainer who used to go to hospitals and perform songs. When he left for the day, he wished all the patients goodbye and hopes of getting better.
One patient shouted to him, "I hope you get better too!"

Wife yelling at her husband, "… and another thing, whatever made you come home this morning at 1 AM half drunk?"
He replies, "Had to, I run out of money!"

A sign on the lawn of a drug rehabilitation center said: "Keep off the Grass!" 😀

"Darling," said the affectionate husband, "I’ve insured myself for 200 million pesos. If anything happens to me you will be provided for."
"Good,"
said the loving wife, "Now you won’t have to call the doctor every time you feel sick."

Hi! Ano gawa mo?
Me? I’m propagating a unicameral form of idiosyncracy occurring malevolently in meritorious piece of clasterubial brain..
In short, NAKATUNGANGA!

LADY: “Are you a gynecologist?”
MAN: “No, but I can take a look…”

Two drunks sat a bar, staring at their drinks. One drunk says to the other, "Hey Pete, my ice cube has got a hole in the middle, have ever seen that before?"
Pete says, "Yep, I have been married to one for fifteen years!"

A woman tells her boyfriend, it’s not fair, women have two things to attract the opposite sex and men only have one.
The boyfriend says men have two things also, and pulls out his wallet.

MEDIA: “What’s the difference between PHOTOCOPY & FAX?”
AlLING DIONESIA: “Ang puto-kapi for breakfast na. Ang fucks, ah.. ah.. hihi.. da uy… kwan na… pagkatapos sa dinner.”’

A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"
Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"
"I do?"
asked the toddler.
"Sure," her dad said. "You don’t see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door."
The toddler thinks for a moment and then beams: "You mean just like my other Daddy!"

A man goes into confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He enters and sees a fully equipped bar with glasses, the best wines, beer on tap, cigars and liquor chocolates nearby, and on the wall a photo of ladies who have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me and I must admit that the confessional is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replied, "Get out, fool! You’re on my side!"

**The rest of the above SMS Jokes…courtesy of MIKE.

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