SMS Jokes 2011-183

History Class
TITSER: “Who is the most famous general among Filipinos who said, "I SHALL RETURN"?”
PEDRO: “Gen. Carlos Garcia, mam! He said, "I SHALL RETURN 130 MILLION"…”

  •  

Gen. Reyes was walking to hell & was amazed of the well-paved roads and he wondered:
"Who made these?"
Then he saw this sign: A PROJECT OF GMArroyo

  •  

Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael were in a lifeboat after escape from a sinking ship. Rummaging through the boat, Patrick found an old lamp and rubbed it vigorously.
A genie came forth and said he could only grant one wish. Patrick blurted, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!"
Poof, the ocean was turned into the brew. Remarks Michael, "Nice going, Patrick! Now we’re going to pee into the boat!"

  •  

A couple having money problems, so wife says to her husband, "We have to cut back, so no more beer."
Husband says, "Ok. But no more beauty parlor either."
Wife replies, "But I need that, so I can look good for you, dear."
He says, "That’s what the beer’s for!"

  •  

Latest on Gadhafi of Libya.. ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ????. ? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ????? ? ??? ???? ?. Isang bulate na lang ang ‘di pumipirma.

A man buys a live chicken for dinner. He passes a cinema playing a Western film. He slips the chicken in to the front of his pants and goes in.
He sat next to 2 women. One says to the other, "This man is exposing himself."
"So what," says the 2nd lady, "You seen one, you see them all!"
"Yeah, but this one is eating my pop corn!"

  •  

A kid asks her Mom, "What’s a lesbian?"
"Go ask your dad, SHE will tell you."

A man goes home drunk with a friend. He starts showing his friend around the house.
"This is my house, all three bedrooms."
He takes him to the first bedroom, and say, "This’s ma kid sleepin’," next bedroom, "this’s ma kid’s nanny."
Next bedroom, "This’s my wife sleepin’ oh with me on top of her."

  •  

Chinese man rings his boss. "Me no work, I sick."
His boss says, "When I am sick I **** my wife, try that."
Two hours later, the Chinese man rings back. "Me better, you got nice house!"

  •  

Priest on mass was interrupted by a kid playing at the altar.
Priest asked; "Kaninong anak ba itong batang ito?"
A woman shouted: "Atin yan, Father!".

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.