SMS Jokes 2011-184

SA BOTICA..

CUSTOMER: (pabulong) “‘Day, isang condom nga..”

SALESLADY: “Sayz Sir!”

CUSTOMER: (nahiya) “small lang.. hehehe..”

SALESLADY: “hindi Sir, sayz pisos ang isa!”

After 50 years…

URBANA: “Mare, how’s your sex life?”

DOLORES: “Well, sa age ni pare mo, MUKHA na lang ang nagagalit, BALAHIBO na lang ang tumatayo at UBO na lang ang matigas.”

“Alam kong may gusto ka sa akin. Pasimple ka pa. Bakit hindi mo ako seryosohin? Pero bago ang lahat, gusto ko, alam mo na hindi ako easy-to-get.” – FLAT 1.0 grade

“Huwag po nating salubungin ang mga bumababa. Hindi po natin sila kamag-anak.” – LRT OPERATOR

 

AMO: “Bakit ka umiiyak?”

KATULONG: “Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig.”

AMO: “Butlig lang iiyak ka na.”

KATULONG: “Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit naman butligs pa!”

MISTER: (nagbabasa ng diaryo) “Ayon dito sa survey, ang lalaking may-asawa ay mas mahaba ang buhay kesa lalaking walang asawa.”

MISIS: “Kaya pasalamat ka at napangasawa mo ako.”

MISTER: “Kaya dapat humanap ako ng isa pang asawa para mas humaba ang buhay ko!”

A guy asked a passer-by: “What’s the quickest way to York?”

“Are you walking or driving?”

“Driving.”

“That’s the quickest way.”

A guy went to visit his disabled friend. After talking for a while, the wheelchair-bound man said: “My feet are getting cold. Would you be so kind to get my slippers from the main bedroom?”

The guest obliged and went through the bedroom where he bumped into his friend’s 2 teenage daughters who were both very attractive. Thinking on his feet, he said, “Hi, ladies. Your daddy sent me to have sex with you.”

The girls stared at him and said: “That can’t be!”

“Ok,” he replied. “Let’s check.”

So he shouted through to his friend: “Both of them?”

Back came the reply: “Yes, both of them.”

A drunk was staggering around the car park of a bar, feeling the roofs of the various cars.

“What are you doing?” asked a fellow customer.

“I’m looking for my car,” said the drunk, swaying unsteadily, “and I can’t find it.”

“How does feeling the roof help you?”

“Because,” said the drunk, “my car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof.”

** Above SMS jokes courtesy of KUPS SPUK. 😛

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