SMS Jokes 2011-185

TANONG: Ano gawa ng tsunaming bakla? 


ERAP: “Jinggoy, if you saw a 20 peso note and a 50 peso note on the floor, which will you take?”
JINGGOY: “The 50 peso of course!”
ERAP: “Tanga! Bakit hindi iyong dalawa!”

"When I was growing up, we were so poor that when I asked my father for something to play with, he cut a hole in my pants pocket." 😛

A man was making love to his new wife. He whispered in her ear, "How many before me?"
He waited and waited and she didn’t answer. Finally, he whispered in her ear, "I’m still waiting."
To which she replied, "I’m still counting."

Man rushes into a bar and says to bartender, "Quick, give me a double scotch before trouble starts." Bartender obliged, the man down it in one and again said, "Quick, give me another double before trouble starts."
And he downed it in one. "Quick, give me another…"
Bartender said, "Hold it, pal, when’s all the trouble going to start?"
Man replies, "Anytime now, cos I’ve got no money."

Dr. Jones was advising a flat-chested young woman: "To make your breasts enlarged, every morning after you shower, rub your chest & say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boogies."

After several months, her breast grew to size-D! Then one morning she was in a train & realized that she forgot her morning ritual & in the middle of the crowded train, she recited, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies. "

Hearing this a guy standing next to her said, "Excuse me, are you by chance a patient of Dr. Jones?"
She replied, "Yes, how did you know?"
He leaned closer, winked & whispered, "Hickory dickory dock…"

GIRL: “Kung bibigyan ka ng pagkakataon na halikan ako, saan?”
BOY: “Sa simbahan. . .”

QUESTION: What’s an Optimistic Man?
ANSWER: A Man Who Marries His Secretary and Thinks That She Will Still Follow His Orders As Before.

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, went to U. K. for a visit.
"Do you have anything to declare?" asked customs inspector.
"No… ssssst, bzzz, nothing at all."
"How long do you plan to stay?"
"Oh, about… ssssst, bzzz, about 3 weeks."
"By the way, where did you learn your English?"
"From the bzzzz, bzzzz, sszzzzzbzz, radio."

Something to admire about the Japanese:
~Walang pumapapel na mayor,
~Walang nagpapanggap na biktima,
~Walang nag-uunahan sa pila at nag-aagawan ng relief goods, ~Walang hadlang na media,
~Walang pulitikong nagtatapal ng mukha at pangalan sa relief goods.

Weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called to HRD office.
"What is the meaning of this?" HRD manager asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience when in truth this is the first job you’ve ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your ad you said you wanted someone with imagination."

**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike. 😀

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