Tuesday Laugh Trip: Green Jokes, Pinoy Humor, Ilonggo Joke

** from my Gmail

GOLF

Who says women golfers are at a disadvantage to men?
Matching lavender outfit: $2000
New pair of French sunglasses: $100
NIKE products endorsements: $10,000,000

 putter holder

Having that "special place" to hold your putter. . . PRICELESS!

oOo

old coupleAn Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an  elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..’

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’

The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.

She’s married; so we can’t go to her house.

I’m married; and we can’t go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

oOo

GREEN JOKES (courtesy of MIKE)

1. Men’s Double Standard
They eat chicken but prefer to feed The Cock to Chicks!
They hate being called a dog but really enjoy themselves in that position!
They may dislike cats.. But almost always love Pussies!
They don’t want to be called a donkey.. But love to Ride a Good Ass!

2. Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s heart beat quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally…
Ever wonder why?
It’s because she smells like a brand new GOLF BAG!:-D

3. Year to date statistics from d new ultramodern Airport screening (X-rays etc)equipment of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security:
Terrorist Plots Discovered:  Zero
Transvestites: 133
Hernia: 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases: 3,172
Enlarged Prostates: 8,249
Breast Implants: 59,350
Natural Blondes: 3
Female Virgins: 3

4. What does it mean when a girl offers PEPSI to a guy:
P: Please
E: Enter
P: Penis
S: Slowly
I: Inside

5. QUESTION: Why do men have pubic hair?
ANSWER: A nest for their bird…
QUESTION: Why do women have pubic hair?
ANSWER: A resting place for the coming bird!!

6. Dogs in Vet’s Clinic:
Dog1: “I’m here because i soiled my masters new carpet & i’m to be put to sleep.”
Dog2: “I’m also being put to sleep for breaking my master’s expensive vase.”
Dog3: “I’m here because my lady master stepped out of d shower naked & when she bent over.
I could not resist, i jumped her from behind & did her!”
Dog1:”So you will also be put to sleep??”
Dog3: “Nope, I’m here to get my nails done!”

oOo

PINOY HUMOR (courtesy of MIKE)

1. Kapag may partner ka, iwasan mong tawagin siyang BABY.
Dahil ang baby, lumalaki. At kapag lumalaki, madalas makikipaglaro na sa iba.

2. Isang araw sa park…

Boy: “Hi miss pwedeng tumabi?”
Gal: “Sure!

After 10 minutes

Boy: “Miss pwedeng paakbay?”
Gal: “Sure!”

After 10 minutes

Boy: “Pwedeng pahawak sa hair mo?”
Gal: “Sige lang!”

After 10 minutes

Boy: “Pwedeng pa kiss?”
Gal: “Oo ba sure!”

After 10 minutes of kissing

Boy: “Miss pwede ko na bang ipasok?”
Gal: “Weh? Ano yan ESPADAHAN?”

3. Sinalubong ni misis si mister sa pinto, amoy na amoy ang beer sa hininga at meron marka ng lipstick sa pisngi.
MISIS: “Hoy magaling na lalaki, meron sigurong magandang dahilan kaya ka inumaga ng uwi.”
MISTER: “Hik! meron nga…almusal!”

4. Curious lang. . .
Yung mga lalakeng nilalaliman yung boses pag pumapara sila sa jeep, nagpapacute ba sila sa ibang pasahero? Umaasa ba sila ng may makikipagkilala sa kanila pag pumara sila gamit ang boses ni Butch Francisco? Sa tingin ba nila hindi hihinto yung driver pag boses kiki sila? O gusto nilang malaman ng ibang pasahero na tuli na sila?

oOo

ILONGGO JOKE (courtesy of MIKE)

JUAN: “Pre, grabe na guid ka busy nako. Di nako halos kalaba, kung manglaba di man  mamala kay sige man sing ulan. Akon gani brief daw casette tape na.Side A kag B.”

PEDRO: “Amo gali, akon gani daw movie.”

JUAN: “Nga-a man?”

PEDRO: ”Now on it’s 2nd week!”

oOo

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