Archive for 9 March, 2011

SMS Jokes 2011-177

Types of Men You Meet in Men’s Urinals
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is hung.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals in used, pisses in the sink.
CLEVER: No hands, looks around and pisses on floor.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays streams up, down and across urinals, tries to hit bug or fly.
TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap and then does both.
DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
CONCEITED: Hold two inch dick like baseball bat.

PARI: "Dapat natin tulungan ang ating kapwa. Kung meron kang 100 manok, ipamimigay mo ba sa mahirap yon?"
JOSE: "Opo pader."
PARI: "E kung 200 manok?"
JOSE: "Opo pader."
PARI: "E kung 1 baboy?"
JOSE: "Hindi na po pader, may alaga po kasi akong isang baboy."

Maraming Daan!
Ely Soriano: Ang Dating Daan
I. N. K.: Ang Tamang Daan
PENOY: Ang Matuwid na Daan
Gen. Ligot: Di Ko Matandaan

NEWS FLASH!
Ghadafi agreed w/ d rebels 2 divide Libya so he can cling 2 power.
D country’s now divided into:
Libya Majora and Libya Minora.

After a quarrel, a wife said 2 her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it."

    Read more

    Facebook Like

    May bago akong inilagay na plugin dito sa blog ko – yung  FB LIKE button sa may bandang ibaba ng bawat blog post ko. Napansin nyo ba? If not, then utang na loob! Wag magbulag-bulagan, pansinin nyo! @#$%^! Lol!

    Hindi ko alam kung may ganda points yan na maidadagdag sa inborn kong kagandahan o magkaka-salafi ba ako ng limfuck-limfuck pag may nag-klik sa thumbs up sign na yan.

    Para saan nga ba kaeklatan na yan?

    Eto ang chika nung developer ng social plugin na yan sa ingles:

    fb like iconThe Like button lets a user share your content with friends on Facebook. When the user clicks the Like button on your site, a story appears in the user’s friends’ News Feed with a link back to your website.

    O ha! Sa sariling pag-intindi ko, pang-shushal itu (kaya siguro social plugin ang tawag), pampapansin at pangdagdag hits o pampalakas ng site traffic na rin. Lol!

    Usong-uso yan ngayon sa halos lahat ng websites. At para naman hindi mapag-iwanan sa uso ang Maruism, siempre nakiuso na rin ako.

    Pero sa totoo lang noh, kung hindi lang sana masagwa, imbes na thumbs up sign, mas gusto ko sana na ETO ang ilagay kong sign. Hihihi! Wala lang, para maiba lang. Kaso baka naman ganahan kayo sa pagki-klik nyan at masaktan nyo lang ang demdemin ko. Heniweys, yan po ang silbi ng LIKE button na yan dito sa blog ko.

    Mapunta naman tayo sa Facebook. Siguro ako lang ‘to, pero hindi ko maiwasan na mangiti o matawa sa ibang FB users sa paggamit ng FB LIKE sign na yan.

    Maging literal tayo sandali. Ang salitang "LIKE", sa tagalog ang ibig sabihin ay "GUSTO". Sa Facebook, pag wala kang ma-sey, pwedeng pang-feedback o pang-react mo na rin ang sign na yan dun sa status ng ka-FB mo. Minsan, bukod sa “GUSTO”, parang “APRUB”, “AGREE”, “TRULALU”, “KOREK”, “LOVE IT” at “OO” na rin ang meaning nyan. Minsan parang pang-THANK YOU na rin. Well, siguro naman karamihan ng FB users ay alam kung ano ibig sabihin nyan di vah? 

    Ngunit, bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan ay magkabukol sana ay wag magalit. Noong umpisa dedma lang sa akin ang icon na yan. Katagalan hindi ko na maiwasan na mapansin na para bang yung mga ibang users,(hmmmn parami ng parami na kasi sila), ay hindi yata naiintindihan ang saktong gamit ng LIKE icon na yan.

    Halimbawa, tama bang i-klik mo yan kung ang status na naka-balandra ng ka-FB mo ay namatayan ng lola at kasalukuyang punong-puno sya ng dalamhati?

    "I hate my life. I wanna die.", may minsan ganyang chuva din akong nabasa sa most recent feed news ko. Ramdam ko, malungkot at depressed yung ka-FB ko. Pero wag ka! Pucha! Napansin ko, may nag-LIKE! Ahihi! Talk about insensitivity.

    Meron naman iba, kinakarir at abangers talaga kung ilan ang magla-LIKE ng nakalagay sa recent status nila. Tanong ko sa sarili ko, bakit ba parang napaka-importante ng LIKE na yan? Ako na rin ang sumagot sa sarili ko: kasi lahat tayo, aminin man o hindi, ay nangangailangan ng APPRECIATION.

    Karga-karga ang bunsong anak, in-upload ng isang ka-FB ko ang piktyur nilang mag-ama as profile pic. Ganito yun.

    3-7-2011 10-39-18 AM(Oist! Binura ko na ang name at pic. Baka mabasa ng user tong post ko ay ipa-salvage ang alindog ko. Me, afraid!)

    O di ba, may napansin ka ba? Para bang every 30 minutes ay nag-aabang yung user kong may nag-LIKE sa recent stat nya! Haha!

    Tatanungin nyo ko ngayon. MALI ba yung pag-LIKE nya ng sarili nyang wall status, comment at picture nila? Sagot ko: HINDING-HINDI!

    Hindi mali yun! Bakit?

    Kasi kanya-kanya tayong account sa Facebook, kanya-kanya tayong trip, kanya-kanya tayong kababawan, kanya-kanya tayong payabangan, kanya-kanya tayong pa-utot, kanya-kanya tayong emote, kanya-kanya tayong react, kanya-kanya tayong feedback, kanya-kanya tayong ka-shitan! Sa maiksing salita, walang pakialamanan!

    Kung ganun eh bakit bino-blog ko ang tungkol dito? Para ano?

    Di ba kasasabi ko lang – walang pakialamanan! Lol!

    O sha! Tama na muna ‘tong chika ko about FB LIKE. Tsaka na lang ulit. Naiihi na ako.

     

    oOo

    I fall down, but then I get up soon.

    SMS Jokes 2011-176

    Ring…ring…ring…
    GMA : "Hello!"
    Ombudsman: "Hello mam, si Merci po ito."
    GMA: "Yes Merci, bakit ka napatawag?"
    Ombudsman: "Kasi po nag rule na ang SC na pwede daw ituloy yung impeachment ko."
    GMA: "O bakit, natatakot ka?"
    Ombudsman: "Opo mam."
    GMA: "Ay naku Merci, bakit hindi ka gumaya kay Angie at manahimik ka na lang."

    Inside motel after sex iyak si babae.
    Lalake: “Huwag ka nang umiyak papunta tayo sa inyo pakakasalan kita.”
    Babae: “Paano kung di pumayag ang mister ko?”

    REASONS WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE SINGLE:
    1. DESTINY ADDICT – umaasa sa tadhana.
    2. PERFECTIONIST – sobrang choosy! naman!
    3. BUSYBUSYHAN – mga taong workaholic.
    4. FRIENDSHIP THEORY – kung friends, friends lng tlga.
    5. X TO D nTH POWER – taong di makaget over sa past relationship.
    6. FAMILY FEUD – takot sa parents.
    7. FOREVER BASTED – walang nagkamali.
    8. HEART ATTACK – yaw masaktan.
    at ang..
    9. WAITER – hintay ng hintay, wala naman inaantay.

    10 yrs of marriage couple go on 2nd Honeymoon. They checked-in hotel room.
    Husband scribbles note on Sign & hangs it outside the door.
    It reads. . .”Do Not Disturb. Already Very Disturbed”

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      Sports Tickets

      sports tickets You have finally decided to go to watch your two favorite basketball team, when suddenly you found out that all Miami Heat Tickets and New York Knicks Tickets are all sold out. Well, lesson to be learned to avoid a repeated disappointment is to book or buy your ticket in advance.

      And the next time you need  Master Tickets to watch a professional golf tournament (or maybe you want to attend horse racing events and need Kentucky Derby Tickets and Churchill Downs Tickets), bear in mind that most people are very aware of when the  concert tickets or sports tickets of their idol/favorite idol player/ team will go on sale, thus the securing the hottest deals of tickets can be very difficult.

      Also, one tip to give to avoid standing in a long queue in buying the ticket, better log on first to their respective website and check the various schedules, the price options, then book online.

      Online Insurance

      life insurance Aren’t you loving it, you no longer have to step out from the comfort of your own house when you shop for an insurance company? Just a computer that has internet services, you can already find and compare the insurance carriers that gives the best policy that you needed. The information is instant. Whether it is life insurance, car insurance or medical related insurance, the online technology is truly making our life convenient. Wishfully, I can try that online life insurance someday. I don’t have one yet.

      Uyeh! It’s Friday!

      Let’s partee! Partee!

      BASS DOWN LOW (5K’S RADIO EDIT ) by kleinenberg > 5k.tv

      Nagpa-partee partee din ako dito. Umiindak, kumekembot, nagwawala  sa saliw ng tugtog na yan habang naglilinis ng haybol ko. NoteBass, bass, down loowwww!Note

      Happy Friday, people!

       

      oOo

      The Golden Rule of Relationships: "Never hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be held!"

      SMS Jokes 2011-175

      oOo

      Husband to Hotel Manager: “Please come immediately. My wife wants to jump out of the window.”
      Hotel Manager: “What can I do to help, sir?”
      Husband: “Idiot! The window is locked!”

      oOo

      A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your mother-in-law?”
      He replied, “Call for backup.”

      oOo

      Boss: “Did you get any orders today?”
      Salesman: “Yes, I got two!”
      Boss: “Congratulations! What were they?”
      Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”

      oOo

      A friend asked a lady, “I supposed you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?”
      “Yes, a strand of my husband’s hair.”
      “But your husband’s still alive!”
      “Yes. But his hair’s gone!”

      oOo

      “Oh gosh,” sighed a wife, “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!”
      Her husband looks up from the newspaper and remarks, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been giving me a piece of it everyday for thirty years!”

       

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      Mga Anik-Anik Lang Ulit

      • March na, lapit na bertdey ng unica hija ko. She’s turning 15 on the 15th. Susme, bilis talaga ng panahon. Hindi ko na namamalayan eh baka bukas may humihila na sa laylayan ng palda ko. Magugulat na lang ako na yun ay apo ko na pala yun! Waaa! Ang bilis!
      • Lalabas na sa March 11 ang bagong Apple iPad 2.  Leche! Ni hindi pa nga ako nakakahawak ng tunay na Apple iPad, eh eto na at lalabas na agad ang latest version. Kala-launch lang ni Manong Steve Jobs  (grabe! sobrang payat nya!) ng iPad 2. Nakakasuya! Hanggang Apple Pie na lang ba ako? Lol! Howel, hindi pa naman ako nawawalan ng pag-asa, siguro sa paglabas ng iPad 9, siguro may trabaho na si Kevin ko nun at pwede na maglambing at magturo para magpabili ng Apple computer ang madir nya.

      ipad 2

      • Tuwing napapanood ko si Muamar Gadaffi ng Libya sa TV, napapatitig talaga ako sa mukha nya. Hindi ko maintindihan, ano ba yan? Naka-plastic surgery ba sya o manas lang talaga? Parang tinapalan ang mukha ng ewan. Kakaiba yung labi nya ha! Parang syang isa sa mga wax figures naka-display dun sa Madame Tussaud wax museum ng London na binigyan-buhay at ngayon ay handang maghasik ng lagim sa Libya. Scary talaga chura nya. Worried

      gaddafi3 gaddafi1 gaddafi2

      • Looky! Looky! Ang cute neto:

      toothbrush

      Ang ganda pang regalo.

      At eto pa, I want this.

      cb2-birch-storage-boxes

      Gusto ko ‘to para lagayan ko ng:

      1. mga brilyantes, diamantes, at iba pang alahas ko.

      2. mga salafi ko na nasa iba’t ibang currency.

      3. taguan ng mga mahahalagang papeles, titulo ng mga lupain at iba pang mga ari-arian ko.

      4. lagayan ng mga pictures ng mga naging boylets ko in the past. (yung pinakamalaking kaha)

       

      oOo

      Life’s not always fair, but we must believe that everything we go through now will pay off in the long run.

      SMS Jokes 2011-174

      oOo

      Erap: “Mam, can I go to the toilet?”
      Titser: “Erap, MAY I go to the toilet?”
      Erap: “Ma’am, but I asked first!”

      oOo

      A: "I read that a woman with nine kids married a widower with seven. Isn’t that something?"
      B: "Sure is. That wasn’t marriage… it was a merger!"

      oOo

      Tormented by her husband’s infidelities, a wife took a decisive action. So the next night, she took a marker pen and printed in bold letters on the crotch of her panties. . . "LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT."

      oOo

      Service at a resto was very slow. A man was about to go ballistics, so his wife tried to distract him with small talk.
      "You know," she said, "my best friend should be having her baby anytime now."
      "Really?" he snaps. "She wasn’t even pregnant when we walked in here!"

      oOo

      A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.
      She replied, "You mean imagine that it’s good?"

      oOo

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      Wednesday Thought

       

      I SEE YOUR TRUE COLORS

      trove-color-mohair-card 

      AND THAT’S WHY I LOVE YOU

      west-elm-lacquer-hooks

       

       Cyndi Lauper’s TRUE COLORS

      oOo