SMS Jokes 2011-188

Buhay Lalake…
Age 3-9: padamihan ng peklat.
Age 10-15: pagandahan ng tuli.
Age 16-25: padamihan ng chicks.
Age 26-36: pagandahan ng misis.
Age 37-47: palakihan ng tiyan.
Age 48 at pataas: patagalan tumigas.

WIFE: “Hon, anung brand ang effective na toothpaste?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “Colgate ba o Close up?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “O eto kaya beam o happy?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “Tanga! Puro ka kahit ano, nabili ko na lahat ng brand wala pa rin epekto sa bad breath mo!”

Man at a sperm bank: “I’m of royal blood and an I. Q. of 165. I’d like to make a donation.”
The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room.
20 minutes later, man hasn’t come out, nurse knocks on the door, “Is there a problem?”
“I’m so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. Could you help me?
Nurse replies, “I don’t usually do this but you are kinda cute…”
She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.
I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!”

Hindi lahat ng tahong hinuhugasan…
Yung iba patay gutom eh!
Kahit hindi pa nabuka, kinakain na!

A guy bought a porn film home for him and his girlfriend to watch as she was saying they needed to spice up their love life.
But when he told her it was a homemade movie involving a local girl and two guys, she told him to sit down as she had something important to tell him.
He couldn’t believe she’s had a twin sister all these years and she’s only telling him now.

ANAK: “Mommy, ano po yung sex?”
MOMMY: “Ah, eh, number yun anak!”
ANAK: “Tama! Kasi sabi ni Daddy kay Yaya, “Sex tayo”, tapos sumagot si Yaya, “69 ulit, Koya?”

A cop stops a guy on the expressway and yells, “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you realize your wife fell out of the car 2 kilometers ago?”
Guy says, “Whew! What a relief! I thought I was going deaf!”

JOSE: “Ang hirap talaga pagwalang tubig no? Tambak-tambak na ang labahin namin! At itong brief ko tatlong araw ng walang laba-laba!”
MARIA: “Oo nga! Ang aking panty nga para ng movie eh!”
JOSE: “Bakit movie?”
MARIA: “Now on its second week…”

Twins in a woman’s womb are bored as they see a “pen” coming..
FIRST: “See, Papa is coming!”
SECOND: “No stupid! It’s not Papa, he does not come with a raincoat. It’s uncle!”

** SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

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