Buhay Lalake…
Age 3-9: padamihan ng peklat.
Age 10-15: pagandahan ng tuli.
Age 16-25: padamihan ng chicks.
Age 26-36: pagandahan ng misis.
Age 37-47: palakihan ng tiyan.
Age 48 at pataas: patagalan tumigas.

WIFE: “Hon, anung brand ang effective na toothpaste?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “Colgate ba o Close up?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “O eto kaya beam o happy?”
HUSBAND: “Kahit ano hon!”
WIFE: “Tanga! Puro ka kahit ano, nabili ko na lahat ng brand wala pa rin epekto sa bad breath mo!”

Man at a sperm bank: “I’m of royal blood and an I. Q. of 165. I’d like to make a donation.”
The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room.
20 minutes later, man hasn’t come out, nurse knocks on the door, “Is there a problem?”
“I’m so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. Could you help me?
Nurse replies, “I don’t usually do this but you are kinda cute…”
She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.
“I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!”

Hindi lahat ng tahong hinuhugasan…
Yung iba patay gutom eh!
Kahit hindi pa nabuka, kinakain na!

A guy bought a porn film home for him and his girlfriend to watch as she was saying they needed to spice up their love life.
But when he told her it was a homemade movie involving a local girl and two guys, she told him to sit down as she had something important to tell him.
He couldn’t believe she’s had a twin sister all these years and she’s only telling him now.

ANAK: “Mommy, ano po yung sex?”
MOMMY: “Ah, eh, number yun anak!”
ANAK: “Tama! Kasi sabi ni Daddy kay Yaya, “Sex tayo”, tapos sumagot si Yaya, “69 ulit, Koya?”

A cop stops a guy on the expressway and yells, “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you realize your wife fell out of the car 2 kilometers ago?”
Guy says, “Whew! What a relief! I thought I was going deaf!”

JOSE: “Ang hirap talaga pagwalang tubig no? Tambak-tambak na ang labahin namin! At itong brief ko tatlong araw ng walang laba-laba!”
MARIA: “Oo nga! Ang aking panty nga para ng movie eh!”
JOSE: “Bakit movie?”
MARIA: “Now on its second week…”

Twins in a woman’s womb are bored as they see a “pen” coming..
FIRST: “See, Papa is coming!”
SECOND: “No stupid! It’s not Papa, he does not come with a raincoat. It’s uncle!”

** SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.