A boy asks his dad during breakfast, "Daddy, do you have diarrhea?"
Dad says, "No, I don’t." The boy says, "Oh yes you do!"
The father replies, "No, I said I don’t. Why do you keep saying that?"
The boy says, "I heard Mom ask you last night when is that shit of yours going to get hard?"
A guy asked his wife: "Tell me something I will like and hate at the same time."
She said, "OK, I cooked your favorite dish today but I burned it and threw it away."
Boy watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who began removing the cream with a tissue. "What’s the matter," asked the boy, "Giving up?"
Men are stronger than girls?
Duh, Pleaseeee. . .
Can you BLEED for a WEEK and SURVIVE?
Women are like motorcycles.
Any man who thinks he can handle more than one is a Fool.
A madam had assembled some of her girls for the men in town for a pharmacists’ convention.
"This is Dolly," she smiled, "for 3,000 bucks I promise you an exciting night with hot tub."
"And this is Kaye, available for 4,000. She’s rigged an Oriental Swing in her room."
"Now lovely Maria," she continues, "can be yours for both straight and kinky sex. She yours for the night for only 3,500."
"And if you take a fancy to tantalizing Jenny…"
"Just a minute," interrupted one of the druggist. "Don’t you have generic sluts?"
QUESTION: What’s the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?
ANSWER: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A dance instructor taught an old dance… called the ‘Politician.’
She told her class, "Take three steps forward, two steps backward, the side-step-side-step and do a complete turn around."
HE: “Have you ever done anything for someone less fortunate?”
SHE: “Well, sure.”
HE: “What did you do?”
SHE: “I married him!”
A boy came home from school happy and his mom asked, "Good day in school today?"
He replied, "Yes, the teacher asked a question and I was the only one who could answer."
"What was the question?"
A boy learned that animals pee to mark their territory. One day, he went upstairs and stayed there for a long time.
His Mom asked, "What were you doing up there?"
But all he said was, "The second floor is my territory."
A guy takes a new GF out for dinner. She orders costly French champagne & New Zealand oysters for starters. Next, she orders maine lobsters and wagyu steak. He asks her,"Do ů eat like this at your mother’s house?"
She replies,"No, but my mother doesn’t fuck me after dinner.."
MOM: “If you wash your face, Sam, you can have one slice of a Sachertorte (chocolate cake).
But if you wash your neck too, you can have two slices.”
SAM: “What if I have a bath?”
** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.