SMS Jokes 2011-192

PAPA: “Hoy! Anong oras na? Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi?”
ANAK: “Ah! Ano bang klaseng buhay to oh? Ako pa ang tatatungin kung anong oras na, buti sana kung dala dala ko relo. Ang laki-laki ng orasan dyan, wala kayong initiative tingnan? Tapos ako pa ang hinintay para tanungin kung anong oras na?! Makatulog na nga!”

Sabi nila "friends forever" daw.
But after few days,
Wala ng friendship.
Kaya ako..
Simple lang: "friends hanggang bukas!"
Bakit? Simple lang,
Hindi naman nauubos ang bukas di ba?

A little girl walked in on her Mom bathing, she pointed at her Mom’s private and asked what it was. Her Mom said, "That is Paradise."
A week later she walked in on her Dad taking a shower, she pointed at her Dad’s private area and said, "Daddy what is that?" He replied it was the key to Paradise.
"Oh," she thoughtfully said, "I think you should get Mom to change the locks ’cause our neighbor has a key too!"

A 95yr old man bili Viagra. . . 
SALESLADY: “Lolo, you mean sa edad mo jerjer ka pa?
LOLO: Wa na iha. Gusto ko lang  lumayo ng konti ihi para hindi mabasa ang akin rheumatic feet!

How are women and tornadoes alike?
?
?
?
They moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

Lady at home after routine check up and tells her husband that the doctor said she has a body of a 20 year old.
Husband says, "Well, did he say anything about that FAT ASS of yours?"
She  replies, "No, your name didn’t come up at all."

Man got slapped by this smokin’ hot girl at a supermart. She was standing in line wearing a tight sweat shirt and has a rather large bust. The sweat shirt said "GUESS" on it so the man went up and said, "IMPLANTS," and she slapped him. Said he, "GUESS they must be REAL."

Man was crying. His wife asked what he’s crying about. He sniffles, "Remember when we were just dating, and your dad told me I have to marry you or spend the next 20 years in prison?"
Said she, "Yea, but why are you crying?"
Man says, "I would have gotten out of prison today!"

BOY: “Gusto ko po maging nobya ang anak ninyo.”
AMA: “Bakit kaya mo ba siyang buhayin?”
BOY: “Bakit po? Patay na po ba siya?”

When going to a rest room in a gentlemen’s club a young man looked up at the door sign that read, "This is a tepee to go pee pee not a wigwam to beat your TOM, TOM."

REVISED EDITION:
A thief stole some painting from the Louvre. Captured a block away when his van run out of gas, he told the police he stole the paintings because he had no MONET to buy DEGAS, to make the VAN GOGH. He had DE GAULLE to do it because he has nothing TOULOUSE.

A man in prison got a letter from wife asking when was the time to plant the potatoes. Knowing anything he wrote was read before it went out, he replied, "Don’t dig up that field. That’s where I have hidden all the loot I stole."
About a week later he got another letter from wife saying that the police came and dug up the field.
He wrote back, "Now is the time to plant the potatoes!"

 

**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

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