SMS Jokes 2011-194

JUAN: “Pareng Andoy, pahiram naman ng 500, pambili ng gatas ni Junior.”
ANDOY: “Pasensya na pareng Juan. Kulang pang pambili ng bigas at asukal ang pera ko eh. Mahal ng Araw kasi. Nagtaasan lahat!”

Dear Mother-In-Law,
Please don’t try to tell me how to raise my kids…
I’m married to one of yours and believe me there’s room for improvement!
Sincerely,
Your Daughter-In-Law

BABAE: “Liiing! ‘Yung kotse natin…na kinarnap mo nakarnap din!”
LALAKI: “Ano?!”

..a man’s love affair when young is ROMANCING!
..at middle age is WOMANIZING!
..at old age is FINANCING!
..pag wala na talaga,
CHANCING na lang!

Semana Santa 2011 Tidbit:
There’s a brewing competition between the AFP and Congress in this year’s passion play. Only two are required to play the role of thieves but so many are qualified for the part.

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink a liter of water a day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than a kilo of EscherichiaColi Bacteria found in water that contains feces.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, beer, or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering & fermentation.
It is my duty to communicate to all who are drinking water, to stop doing so!
It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy & bad for you.
THUS
It is better to drink alcohol & talk shit than to drink water & be full of shit!…Di ba ! Hala tagay na ! :

"nose piece"
Alam mo ba kung saan makikita ang nose piece sa iyong celfon?
Lumaabas ito kapag puno na ang inbox mo ..
"nose piece for new messages!"

INTERBYU..
Korina: “Why should we vote for you?”
Pacquiao: “Mas mabuti ang bagong katulad ko s politika, dahil wala pang sungay.”
Korina: “Paki-english pra sa foreign viewer natin.”
Pacquiao: “Well … u know, I’m brand new, so I’m not yet horny.”

A politician was running for re-election and was talking at a campaign stop to his constituents.
"My opponent has called me a liar. Rest assured, I have never lied to you. The only problem is that the facts don’t always match up with what I believe."

The Phil Nat’l Disaster Council is now implementing the "OPLAN YOYO" in the event that an Earthquake,  Tsunami & flood hit us.
YOYO…
You’re On Your Own. c",)

Little Jimmy asked for a bike for his birthday. Dad said,"Im sorry, but the mortgage of our house is $400,000 & mom just lost her job. We cannot afford to buy you a bike right now."
Next day his father saw Little Jimmy at front door with a suitcase. He asked,"Son, what are you doing?"
Little Jimmy said,"I was walking past your room last night & I heard you tell mom that you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait, because she was coming, too. And I’ll be damned if Im sticking around here by myself with a $400,000 mortgage & no bike!"

Remember always the Attitude of Dogs:
If you can’t eat it or fuck it, just piss on it and walk away!

** ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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