SMS Jokes 2011-197

Royal Humor:

Prince Wills now has her Kate and will eat it too!

DODONG: “Hoy, Bugoy! Bagsak ka daw sa English!”
BUGOY: “Who telled you?”

Kapag may sumigaw ng “PANGIT!” — huwag kang magalit.
It doesn’t mean na ikaw ‘yun.
Pero dahil lumingon ka, kasalanam mo na ‘yun. Masyado ka kasing honest!

Girl to girl..
GIRL1: “aw, you’re so pretty!”
GIRL2: “aw, thanks! So are you!”
Guy to guy…
GUY1: “You’re really handsome.”
GUY2: “Are you gay?”
See the difference?

ANAK: “Tay, bakit may usok kapag nag iinit tayo ng tubig? Evaporation yan tay noh?”
TATAY: “Hindi anak, mga kaluluwa yan ng mga germs na pupunta sa langit.”

After eating at this expensive resto, the approached the cashier and said, “Miss, tell me, what is that around your neck?” She proudly said, “Oh, this is my pearl necklace.”
He said, “Oh, everything else is so high around here, I thought it was you garter.”

(AFTER DINNER)
WIFE: “Honey,nakasara na ba ang pinto sa baba?”
HUSBAND: “Oo honey sinara ko na!”
WIFE: “Eh ang mga bintana?”
HUSBAND: “Oo honey sinara ko na rin!”
WIFE: “Ano pa bang hindi naisasara?”
HUSBAND: “YANG BUNGANGA MO!”

An exclusive resto claims that no hands touches their food. The waiters had a gold chain with silver tongs around their necks. The tongs picked up the food from the trays onto the plates.
An impressed customer asked a waiter, “BTW, what do you do when you go to the bathroom?”
The waiter looked around and whispered, “I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the tongs.”

MARIO: “Pare gumawa ako ng napakagandang pelikula ako ang DIRECTOR, ako ang PRODUCER,ako ang SCRIPTWRITER,at ako rin ang BIDA, ang pamagat nito ay”ANG IYO AY AKIN AT ANG AKIN AY AKIN PA RIN” okey ba yun?”
LUIGI: “Wow! Ang ganda, pare. Bbakit dimo palitan ang pamagat,  gawin mong. . .Ang SUGAPA!”

Difference between God, Tailor, Girlfriend and wife?
-God makes MAN,
-Tailor makes him GENTLEMAN,
-Girlfriend makes him HEMAN
and
-Wife makes him an obedient DOBERMAN!

Mr:   “Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!”
Mrs: “Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.”
Mr:  (tumawa) “ok lang. Wala akong kasama.”
Mrs: “Ako, meron!”

Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang?” “Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,”TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ”

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.