SMS Jokes 2011-200

NEWSBOY: “Dyaryo kayo dyan! Dalawang bading ang naloko! Diyaryo! Diyaryo!”
BAKLA: “Hi! Pabili nga ng diyaryo! Magkano?”
NEWSBOY: “Twelb pesos po.”
BAKLA: (ginalugad agad ang diyaryo) “Hoy! Wala naman akong mabasang dalawang bading na naloko dito ah!”
NEWSBOY: “Diyaryo! Diyaryo! Tatlong Bading ang naloko. Diyaryo kayo dyan!”

LOLO: “Kuhaan mo nga ako ng ice cream sa ref.”
LOLA: “Ok.”
LOLO: “Tandaan mo, wag ulyanin, ice cream ha?”
LOLA: “Oo ice crean. Gusto mo ba ung Mango flavor.”
LOLO: “but of cors.”
Pagbalik ni Lola.
LOLA: “Eto na ang hotdog.”
LOLO: “Sabi na nga ba, ulyanin ka na e!”
LOLA: “Bakit?”
LOLO: “Asan yung ketsup?”

Nipa hut, even though it is small, the plants there are various. Turnip and eggplant, winged bean and peanut, string bean, hyacinth bean, lima bean. Wax guard, loofah, white squash and pumpkin. And there are also radish, mustard, onion, tomato, garlic and ginger. And all around are full of sesame seeds.
BAHAY KUBO
Uyy! Babasahin nya uli yan. Titingnan nya english ng mga gulay. :p

Habang tayo’y nabighani sa ganda ni Kate, humanga at namangha sa marangyang kasal, huwag po nating kalimutan..
SUPOT SI PRINCE WILLIAM!

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

Isang bahay may nakasulat na “Ice for sale”
BATA: "Pabili!"
YAYA: "Ano bibilin mo?"
BATA: "Kendi nga po."
YAYA: "Wala."
BATA: "Coke"
YAYA: "Wala!"
BATA: "Juice"
YAYA: "Wala nga! Kita mong "Ice for sale" yung nakasulat, malamang Ice lang tinitinda namin!! tanga mo talaga!"
BATA: "Ikaw nga ung mas tanga kita mong ice lang tinitinda nyo nagtatanong ka pa kung ano bibilhin ko tanga!"

QUESTION and ANSWER portion.
HOST: "Miss Bulgaria!"
MISS BULGARIA: "Yes?"
HOST: "How old are you?"
MISS BULGARIA: "Im 20 years old."
HOST: "What would you be expecting after 5 years?"
MISS BULGARIA: "I`d be 25."

BATA: "Ate kpag wala ka bang tenga, maghihikaw ka?"
ATE: "Syempre hindi!"
BATA: "eh pag wala kang daliri magsisingsing ka?"
ATE: "Syempre hindi din!"
BATA: "Eh bakit ka nagba-bra? Feel mo lang? ganon?!"
ATE: F**k you!"

PEDRO: "Pare, ano yung nababalitaan ko na sinabi mo sa syota ko na SUPOT ako!"
JUAN: "Di totoo yan pare,äng sinabi ko malapit ka ng TULIIN!"
PEDRO: "Ah ganun ba,sori! akala ko binuko mo na ako eh!"

Late nakarating si Pedro sa klase.
TEACHER:"There is no seat for a late-comer in my classroom so, you better get out!"
PEDRO:"But ma’am?"
TEACHER: "Anong but,but? i said get out!"
PEDRO: "Ok, ma’am sayang babayayaran ko na sana yung kinuha
kong longanisa,tosino, saka yung celphone load!"
TEACHER: "Ohh i’m just kidding naman,ayun yung upuan ko gamitin mo! Tsaka di ka cleaner today, okey?"

SA CLASSROOM:
PUPIL: "Ma’am ambaho po dito may umutot!!
TEACHER: "Ok class kung sino ang umutot aminin na, bibigyan ko ng 99 highest grade!!
PEDRO:(paika-ika lumakad palapit sa teacher) "Ma’am gawin nyo nang 100 kasi NATAE NA AKO!"

A very sad man confessed to a priest.
MAN: "Father, I think I wanna die right now…"
PRIEST: "Why son…what’s wrong?"
MAN: "Because my wife is a bad ass gambler, my son is a drug addict, and my daughter? She works in a strip club right now, in short "a whore". Huhuhuuhuhu!
PRIEST: "Oh my, that’s disastrous. Is there anything positive in your life right now?"
MAN: "Yes father. My AIDS TEST."

 

oOo

"Behind the clouds… there are airplanes" – Ruffa Mae Quinto, Manay Po 2: Overload (2008)

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