SMS Jokes 2011-201

Magkaharap sina Adan at Eba nang biglang tinigasan si Adan.
Pareho silang nabigla sa nangyari, kaya biglang sumigaw si Adan, "Tabi ka riyan, hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ito tatama!"

Ang card ni Juan..
INAY: “Juan, bakit may red color ang grades mo?”
JUAN: “Naubusan kasi ng black ballpen ung titser namin eh.”
INAY: “Ui! May apat na ‘F’ dito ah… Ano yun?”
JUAN: “Inay, ang meaning po nun ay FASADO.”
INAY: “Aah, akala ko pa naman FERFECT!”

Pagalingan sa Espada
CHINESE: “Hyaaaah! Patay agad ang langaw.”
HAPON: “Hyaaaah! Putol ulo ng langaw.”
PINOY: “Hyaaaah! Lumipad ang langaw.”
CHINESE at HAPON: “Haha… Bobo ka pala eh!”
PINOY: “Ha! Papatayin pala akala ko tutuliin lang!”

More Pick-up Lines.
1. You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount or eat you!
2. Could I touch your belly button… from the inside?
3. I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U + I = 69?
4. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open and I’ll give you the meat. 

A guy in a pool was startled when his trunks fell off. He was in the deep end and couldn’t find it.
He went to the shallow end and think of what to do.
As he stood there up to his chest in water and saw young gals in their bikinis, he realize that he has a raging hard on.
Finally, he had a course of action. He jumped out of the water and shouted, "Mad dog! Mad dog!"
The others in the pool began screaming until a gal tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling, "Quick! Let me muzzle the SOB before it gets away!"

A teacher was teaching class about difference between right & wrong.
"Okay, children. Kung dudukot ako ng pera sa bulsa ng 1 tao, ano ako?"
Little Tikyo raised his hand, & with a confident smile he said..
"Ikaw ay kanyang asawa"

I love photos…

..and somans and vevengkas and faletaws and bekos and safens safens..

MAN: “Doc, my wife lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back?”
DOC: “Hmmm.…and you have something against peace & quiet?”

A 3rd grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural. "What if one woman looks out a window?" First boy said, "Singular." "Good, what is it if 3 women look out a window?"
Second boy shouts, "a whorehouse!" 

Forest Gump was wrong. Life isn’t a like a box of chocolates..
It’s like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today may burn your ass tomorrow!

Public Service
Are you looking for a job?
Search no further.
Al-Qaeda has just announced a vacancy in its number one post.

There was a man who was unemployed and couldn’t find a job so he  decided to go for social security insurance. When he came home he told his wife, "I went and signed up for social security."
Then she said, "You should have dropped your pants and asked for disability, too!"

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," here’s an update for them!
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. Why?!?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying a whole pig just to get a little sausage.

QUESTION: What’s the best place for a honeymoon for every couple just married?
ANSWER: Viagara Falls!

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

"Ang hirap magmahal sa taong pinipilit mong mahalin ka rin" – Maja Salvador, Minsan Lang Kita Iibigin (2011)

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