Archive for 2 May, 2011

SMS Jokes 2011-198

PACMAN: “Kung nagcondom ang tatay ko walang 8 division world champion ang Pilipinas ngayon.”
LAGMAN: “Kung nagcondom si Diosdado Macapagal, wala sanang problema ang bayan ngayon!”

Isang boy ang nag susurf sa FB at napansin nya ang isang girl at nag comment ng…
BOY: “Elow, napansin ko na singkit ka may lahi ka bang Chinese?”
GIRL: “Yung father ng mom ko pure Chinese, so ang mom ko half na lang…”
BOY: “eh di 1/4 pinoy ka at 3/4 Chinese?”
GIRL: “hinde…LATAK lang ako.

3 lalake sabay sabay namatay.
Sabi ni San Pedro sa una: “Bakit ka namatay?’
LALAKE 1: “Nahuli ko po asawa ko may kalaguyo. May mga damit at pantalon sa kwarto namin, di nman akin, kaya nagwala ako, binuhat ko aparador, hinagis ko sa labas tapos inatake po ako sa puso.”
SAN PEDRO: “Sige, pasok ka na. Ikaw naman?”
LALAKE 2: “Dumadaan lang po ako nalaglagan ako ng aparador.”
SAN PEDRO: “Ok pasok n. Eh ikaw?”
LALAKE 3: “Ako po ung laman ng aparador.”

TONYO: “Pangit ba ako kaya hindi mo ako magustuhan?”
KATA: “Wala namang ginawang pangit ang Diyos.”
TONIO: “Talaga?”
KATA: “Oo naman. Kaso nga lang, mukhang iba ang guwawa sa ‘yo.”

Breast ID Chart :
( o ) ( o ) – - Full breasts
( * ) ( * ) – - High nipple breasts
( @ ) ( @ ) – - Big nipple breasts
(o)(o)  – - A cups
( O ) ( O ) – - DD cups
(oYo) – - Wonderbra breasts
( p ) ( p ) – - Breasts with hanging tassles
\_/\_/ – - Grandma’s breasts

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SMS Jokes 2011-197

Royal Humor:

Prince Wills now has her Kate and will eat it too!

DODONG: “Hoy, Bugoy! Bagsak ka daw sa English!”
BUGOY: “Who telled you?”

Kapag may sumigaw ng “PANGIT!” — huwag kang magalit.
It doesn’t mean na ikaw ‘yun.
Pero dahil lumingon ka, kasalanam mo na ‘yun. Masyado ka kasing honest!

Girl to girl..
GIRL1: “aw, you’re so pretty!”
GIRL2: “aw, thanks! So are you!”
Guy to guy…
GUY1: “You’re really handsome.”
GUY2: “Are you gay?”
See the difference?

ANAK: “Tay, bakit may usok kapag nag iinit tayo ng tubig? Evaporation yan tay noh?”
TATAY: “Hindi anak, mga kaluluwa yan ng mga germs na pupunta sa langit.”

After eating at this expensive resto, the approached the cashier and said, “Miss, tell me, what is that around your neck?” She proudly said, “Oh, this is my pearl necklace.”
He said, “Oh, everything else is so high around here, I thought it was you garter.”

(AFTER DINNER)
WIFE: “Honey,nakasara na ba ang pinto sa baba?”
HUSBAND: “Oo honey sinara ko na!”
WIFE: “Eh ang mga bintana?”
HUSBAND: “Oo honey sinara ko na rin!”
WIFE: “Ano pa bang hindi naisasara?”
HUSBAND: “YANG BUNGANGA MO!”

An exclusive resto claims that no hands touches their food. The waiters had a gold chain with silver tongs around their necks. The tongs picked up the food from the trays onto the plates.
An impressed customer asked a waiter, “BTW, what do you do when you go to the bathroom?”
The waiter looked around and whispered, “I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the tongs.”

MARIO: “Pare gumawa ako ng napakagandang pelikula ako ang DIRECTOR, ako ang PRODUCER,ako ang SCRIPTWRITER,at ako rin ang BIDA, ang pamagat nito ay”ANG IYO AY AKIN AT ANG AKIN AY AKIN PA RIN” okey ba yun?”
LUIGI: “Wow! Ang ganda, pare. Bbakit dimo palitan ang pamagat,  gawin mong. . .Ang SUGAPA!”

Difference between God, Tailor, Girlfriend and wife?
-God makes MAN,
-Tailor makes him GENTLEMAN,
-Girlfriend makes him HEMAN
and
-Wife makes him an obedient DOBERMAN!

Mr:   “Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!”
Mrs: “Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.”
Mr:  (tumawa) “ok lang. Wala akong kasama.”
Mrs: “Ako, meron!”

Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang?” “Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,”TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ”

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

On Whiteheads

A build-up of oils, serum and dead skin that plugs up the pores – those are whiteheads. Thank God I don’t have that much whiteheads. My simple routine on how to get rid of whiteheads? I just wash my skin gently with a mild soap or facial cleanser and warm (not hot) water once or twice daily. Always keep my skin moisturized and try not to wear make up, but only loose face powder when going out. How about you? What’s your regimen?

TV Stand

I have this habit where I constantly rearrange the furniture of our home especially those in my bedroom. My bedroom TV for instance, I can’t remember how many times I moved the set from one corner to another. Well, the frequent rearranging, it’s one of my habit that I just can’t get rid off me. I don’t have a TV rack in my bedroom and I am just utilizing one of my bed’s night table to serve as one. Thinking lately, maybe high time for me now to scout for a sturdy tv stand, the one that can be easily move and can support heavy sets.