**Courtesy of MIKE
New Meaning of CBCP:
Catholic Bishops Corrupting Pilipinas
VP Jojo Binay was quoted to have said that he didn’t want to compare himself with P-Noy saying ‘we’re not comparing apple to apple.’ Sige, let’s say apple to duhat. Puwede na ba yun?
Netizens are comparing Inday Sara of Davao City to Cong. Manny Pacquiao. But that’s unfair! Pacman has never won a fight in ten seconds.
MANNY PACQUIAO – Boxer turned Politician;
INDAY SARA DUTERTE – Politician turned Boxer.
If her father, former Mayor Rodrigo Duterte is called The Punisher,this Lady Mayor can be called The Puncher!
Only in the Philippines!
Ang posisyon doon
Singtigas ng talong, ipinasok sa mani.
Humiyaw, umiyak kunyari.
paupo at salampak.
At saka meron pa: patuwad sa mesa,
patayo sa terrace,
pahiga sa kama.
At sa pagiling giling, pumutok na pala! hahaha!! kinanta pa nya!
Girl broke up with boyfriend because she said she needed to find herself.
Boyfriend told her to get a GPS!!
FACEBOOK wants to know: "What’s on my mind…?"
TWITTER wants to know: "What’s happening..?"
FOURSQUARE wants to know: "Where I am…?"
ORKUT wants me: "To say something…"
Said a guy: "Damn! The Internet is turning into a CRAZY WIFE!"
Which four pets do women like most?
The first is the mink in the closet,
The second is the Jaguar in the garage,
The third is the tiger on her bed, and
The fourth is a jackass that pays for it all.
QUESTION: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her panties?
QUESTION: What is the definition of a BED?
ANSWER: It’s the launching flat form for a "Guided Muscle!"
QUESTION: What’s the difference between a rubix cube and a pecker?
ANSWER: Nothing, the longer you play with them the harder they get!
QUESTION: How do you know when you’re too drunk to drive?
ANSWER: When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it’s the air freshener hanging from a mirror!
HUSBAND: what are you doing, dear?
WIFE: I am dying.
HUSBAND: (jumps for joy) Oh, dear, how will I live without you?
WIFE: Idiot, I am dying my hair!
Having a wife is part of living..
But having a girlfriend along with the wife is the "Art of Living."
Barangay head & team raided a Gay Bar, discovered secret room where 2 guys were caught having sex. Barangay officer charged them with..ILLEGAL COCKFIGHTING!
Inflation and financial crisis have become so critical and serious today that a majority of men have started loving their own wife!
GOD – I can’t be everywhere so I created MOTHERS.
DEVIL – I can’t be everywhere so I created GIRLS.
Devil laughs. . .
GOD – Don’t laugh, I created BOYS to change them to MOTHERS again!
Teacher: Write the passive voice of "I made a mistake."
Student: I was made by a mistake.
Boy: He must be so happy!
Boy: Your father.
Boy: Because he gets to see an angel everyday.
Man: What’s the difference between man and woman..?
Girl: Man has PEN without CAP…
Woman has PURSE without ZIP..!
"It took me a day to fall in love. It would take me forever to say goodbye" – Sam Milby, Forever And A Day (2011)