SMS Jokes 2011-224

ENRITS YOUR BOCABOLARY:
by Cong. Manny Pacquiao
(UPDATED EDITION):

HOUSE SPEAKER – stereo sa loob ng bahay
SESSION – street sa Baguio
CHECK IN – manok
CORRUPT – pagsara ng mata
WIT – timbang
DUET – gawin mo!
QUOTES – tawag niya kay Freddie Roach
CAKE – sipa!
PANTS – suntok!
STIRS – hagdanan
LEAP – kaLiwa
WRITE – kanan
"So now nu!" :P

Banat line…
Gaano ka ba KALALIM?
kasi hanggang ngayon di pa ako
nakakaahon simula ng mahulog ako sa yo.

JUAN: Pedro, anong araw ngayon?
PEDRO: Sunday, pre Bakit?
JUAN: Ahh Sunday pala ha? So Ganyanan na tau ngayon? Ganyanan na!
PEDRO: Joke lang, ikaw talaga. . . . . happy monthsary! mwahugzz!

What if one day dahil sa trahedya sabi ni Doc, "You need a new pair of legs or else hindi ka na makakalakad"
Nagpa-opera ka. And it become successful.
Nang matapos, tinanong mo kung sinong may malasakit na donor.
May inabot na note sa yo. Ang sabi:

"Ingatan mo legs ko. Sa yo na yan"
luv u,
"Dagul”

Matutuwa ka kaya?

TEACHER: Juan, which is the best time to pick mangoes? Summer or rainy season?
JUAN: Ma’am, the best time to pick them is when the owner is not at home and there’s no dog in the orchard."

An executive having sex with his assistant in his office. When they finish, she gets out of the couch stark naked and start to jump up and down. Her boss says, "What are you doing? Somebody might see you through the window. If this leaks out, I’ll be ruined."
She keeps jumping up and down. "If it doesn’t leak out," she says, "I’ll be ruined."

A Truism:
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking…
the husband gives and the wife takes!

A guy stayed at the Ritz Hotel in Paris. The towels were so soft and fluffy that he could hardly close his suitcase!

A woman asks her friend for advice on how to get her hubby interested again. Friend says, "Tonight meet him as he comes home dressed in a plastic wrap."
Woman does this and husband says, "Damn, leftovers again."

MARRIAGE VOW:
A knot you tie with your tongue, but
you cannot untie with your teeth.

A husband complains to wife:
"My back aches.
My penis is sore.
I simply can’t fuck anymore.
I’m dripping with sweat,
And you haven’t come yet;
And, my God! It’s quarter to four in the morning!"

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

Ano daw sabi ng PANDA sa photographer?  "Dude, ayoko ng black and white ha!

QUESTION: Why do women live longer than men?
ANSWER: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

TANONG: Anong sabi ni SIPON kay KULANGOT?
SAGOT: MANIGAS ka!

TANONG: Ano ang ayaw ilagay ni GOLDILOCKS sa buhok niya?
SAGOT: RED RIBBON.

GOOD NEWS: Mahal niya ako!
BAD NEWS: Bilang kaibigan lang.

GOOD NEWS: Ang sweet ng crush ko.
BAD NEWS: Doon sa crush niya.

BOY: May tinatago pala akong talent.
GIRL: Talaga? Anong talent mo?
BOY: Ewan ko, nakatago nga di ba?

 

oOo

Ang paniniwala sa Diyos ay parang isang Cobra energy drink, pag meron ka nito, wala kang talo."

 

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