SMS Jokes 2011-226

Napakaraming GWAPO dito sa amin pero bakit tila walang natira?

GUMAGANDA sila. :D

"Kung hindi mo maramdaman ang pagmamahal ko sa yo,
Tara sa kuwarto at ie-explain ko sa yo!"

Ang PRIDE parang BRIEF at PANTY…                
Walang mangyayari kung hindi mo IBABABA!

A husband and wife goes fishing at a lake. While fishing, the husband slips and falls into the lake. Unable to swim, he hollers for help. A man hears his shout for help, runs over, and sees the guy’s wife with her panties down peeing in the lake.
He hollers at the woman, "What are you doing, don’t you see that man drowning? Why pee in the lake?"
The wife replies, "Every drop counts!"

Madalas Na Sinasabi Kahit Saan:
ARAY! – kahit di naman talaga masakit.
HA? – kahit narinig naman talaga.
ANO, ANO? – gusto paulit ulit.
EWAN – pag tamad magexplain.
BAHALA KA – pero talagang ayaw niya.
SIGE NA NGA – kunyari napipilitan, pero gusto naman talaga.

Ang pinakamahirap at napaka-impluwensyang tanong: “PAPASOK KA BA?”
Ang mapanuksong sagot: “IKAW?”
Nakaka-pressure na sagot: “EWAN KO NGA EH.”
The best na sagot: “PAG DI KA PUMASOK, DI NA DIN AKO PAPASOK.”
Resulta: “TARA! WAG NA TAYO PUMASOK!”
At mapagkunsinteng pangyayari: “BUTI NA LANG, DI TAYO PUMASOK WALA NAMAN DAW GINAWA!”

A drunk in a bar discovered that he had his pants wet, he turned to the right and asked the man if he had poured beer on his pants, the man said no. Then the drunk turned to the left and asked other man if he had poured beer on his pants, the man says no. Then the drunk said, "This must be an inside job!"

  •  

Little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?"

3 Phases of Sex In Marriage…
1. Anytime/Anywhere Sex: Anytime of the day and anywhere you want in the house.
2. Bedroom Sex: After the kids are born, you can only have sex in the bedroom with door closed.
3. Hallway Sex: After years of marriage, husband at one end of the hall and wife at the other end of the hall, and you both look at each other and yell, "SCREW YOU!"

At a ripe old age of 80, grandpa decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be fatal. Grandpa, not a bit perturbed replied, "Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one!"

QUESTION: Why did God make the vagina and the anus so close together on women?
ANSWER: So men can carry them around like a six pack.

On their 35th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her honeymoon and put it on. She went to her husband and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked at it and said, "Yes, dear. You wore that negligee on our honeymoon."
She said, "Right! Do you remember what you said that night?"
He nodded and said, "Yes, dear. I said, ‘Oh, baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and shag your brains out.’"
She giggled and said, "So now 35 years later, and I am in the same negligee. What do you say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.”

The manager of a large factory called the newest hires. "Jill," he says, "You and your brother Jack are 2 newest employees of our firm. My boss just ordered me that I must lay you or Jack off."
"Sorry,"
Jill replies, "I have a headache, so go ‘Jack Off.’"

Two sister lived together and one sister was turning 65. So the younger sister thought she would buy her something she could really use. She bought her a blow up male doll and put it in her sister’s bed.
The next morning the younger sister asked her sibling how she liked her gift. The older sister said she did liked it for a while. The younger one asked what happened.
"Well, I kissed him in the mouth, kissed him on the cheek then I bit him on the neck, & he farted & flew out of the window."

A guy is parachuting out of a plane, pulls 1st ripcord.. nothing happens..
pulls 2nd ripcord.. nothing happens. Now he’s screaming on the way down to death. All of a sudden he passes a guy going up the other way.. he says to the guy, "Hey, buddy, know anythin bout parachutes?"
The other man replies, "No, do you anything about gas stoves?"

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

JUAN:"Hindi ko na kaya! Kukuha na ako ng lubid at itatali ko sa puno!"
MAX:"Pare, huwag!"
JUAN:"Bakit? Pag nagsasampay ka ba, pinipigilan kita?"

Pag nagsasalita si mister, nakikinig si misis. Pag nagsasalita si misis, nakikinig si mister. Pag nagsasalita pareho, nakikinig ang kapitbahay!

THE PROSTATE EXAM

prostate exam

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test by the National Health Service, a guy decided to have this next test carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As he lay naked on his side on the table and the nurse began the examination.
"Don’t  worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection." said the nurse.  

"I haven’t got an erection," said the man.
"No, but I have,"
replied the nurse.

Moral: Don’t have this procedure done in San Francisco!

 

oOo

“Ang PAG-IBIG parang alahas, kung hindi tunay KUMUKUPAS.”

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge