SMS Jokes 2011-227

PEDRO: "Waiter, bigyan mo nga ako ng isang tasang kape!"
WAITER:"Yes sir, black coffee po ba?"
PEDRO: "Bakit? May iba pa ba kayong kulay?"

GURO:"Juan, tatay mo ba talaga ang sumulat nitong excuse letter? Parang sulat-kamay mo ito!"
ESTUDYANTE: "Mam, bolpen ko po kasi ang pinansulat nya!"

ANAK: "Nay, pinauwi po ako ng maaga kasi ako lang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser!"
NANAY:"Wow, ano ba’ng tanong?"
JUAN: "Sino nambato sa ‘kin ng eraser?"

TANONG: "Saang lugar parehong kulot ang buhok ng babae at lalake?"
SAGOT: "Haha..! Gusto ko yang iniisip m0! Tama ka! Sa AFRICA!" 😀

BOY: "Nasabi ko na bang maganda ka?"
GIRL: (Kilig..) "Hindi pa."
Boy: "Buti naman."

BOY: "Pag naging asawa na kita, di ka na maglalaba."
GIRL: "Oh talaga? Bakit nman?"
BOY: "Kase araw-araw at gabi-gabi na tayong nakahubad!"

NANAY: "Anak, pag bumagsak ka sa exam mo eh kalimutan mo na ko!" (pagkatapos ng exam)
NANAY: "Anak, kamusta ang exam?"

Sa mga hindi nakakaalam kung ano ang dahilan ng pagsakit ng leeg ni GMA…
Subukan mo kayang buong buhay mo ang kinakausap mo mas matangkad sa yo.

Medical Advisory:
A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreation Killer" (Acronym: WORK) has been discovered.

If you come into contact with the Work Virus, you should go ASAP to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR, for short) center to take antidotes known as:
1. Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE)
2. Radioactive UnWork Medicine (RUM)
3. Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4. Vaccine, Official Depression Killer Antigen (VODKA)

If a lady laughs loudly, she is cheerful.
If a man laughs loudly, he is without manners.

If a lady talks sweetly, she is charming.
If a man talks sweetly, he is a flirt.

If a lady is silent, she is sad.
If a man is silent, he is being rude.

If a lady walks into friends, it is a group.
If a man walks into friends, it is a "gang."

A guy took his friend’s sister out dancing. After a pleasant night, he was kissing her goodnight, when she crossed her legs and broke his glasses!

A husband kisses his wife and the wife says, "Stop it, what are you doing? Somebody might see us kissing!"
The maid shouts from the kitchen, "I, too tell him not to kiss, but he doesn’t listen!"

Di ako mahilig lumusong sa baha.
Pero kung lulunurin mo ako sa pagmamahal mo..
Yaan mo..
Sisirin ko.

Always love Wife,
No life w/out Wife.
Remain loyal & faithful to Wife.
Keep Wife happy & satisfied.
Never mind whose Wife she is!

Do you know why it takes women longer to shower than men?
Men don’t have to slow down for the speed bumps and the curves.

Pick-up Lines That Could Get You killed
1. I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
2. My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.
3. Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I would love to tap that ass!
4. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
5. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let’s go fuck.

A guy passes by a charity kissing booth at a school fair. Pretty young girl calls out, "Hey! How about buying a kiss for charity. Only cost a hundred bucks."
Guy says, "Sorry, I only got fifty."
Gal says, "That’s OK! I’ll only use one lip."

QUESTION: Why do you call a guy with hair between his teeth?
ANSWER: A gladiator!! (glad-he-ate-her)

3 guys finds a lamp and a genie pops out. The genie said since there are 3 guys each one receives a wish. 1st guy wishes for 18 apples since he loves it. 2nd wants 18 oranges since he likes the stuff. 3rd wishes for 18 girls since he likes them.

Later on the 3 met and talked. 1st guy said he felt like an apple since he ate 18 apples. 2nd said he felt like an orange after partaking 18 oranges. 3rd guy said, "I feel like a golf ball because I’ve just been in 18 holes."

** All above jokes courtesy of MIKE





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