TEACHER: Class, use "veteran" in a sentence…
MANNY: I mam, I mam!
TEACHER: Ok… Manny!
MANNY: When u’re caught by your wife havng SEX w/ ur Girpren… U VETERAN!
At a trial..
JUDGE: “You effected the robbery in a remarkably ingenuous way; in fact, with exceptional cunning.”
ACCUSED: “Now, your honor, no flattery, please!”
A married man was a philanderer. A friend finally took him to task, "When you run around with other women, doesn’t your conscience bother you?"
"Yes, for a certain length of time…. and if I don’t hear from their lawyers, I feel better."
Recipe for Success!
Through sex in the morning, the brain is supplied with blood, and thus boost one’s intellectual capacity.
Kitam, magiging genius ka sa sex!
Each man have five erections while sleeping at night. The "morning glory" is the last of these erections. Would it be a shame if you pass up…? ðŸ˜› Huwag sayangin!
* Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500 kilometers.
* Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass… One long hard route.
Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women..
1. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
2. If you admire a friend’s gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
3. You can buy a silencer for a gun.
Ah, kaya pala SINGLE pa rin si P-NOY!
A farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn. "Boy, you got quit that! Go out and get yo’self a wife."
So the boy went and found himself a pretty young gal to whom he got married. But a week after the wedding, the farmer found his son choking the chicken again.
"You crazy boy!" he yelled, "That Joyce’s a fine gal!"
"I know, Dad," the boy replied, "but her arms gets tired sometimes!"
5 young MEN entered the Army, and were waiting for their drug results. The evaluator came out to read the results, "Well, we have good news. You all passed the drug test, and one of you is Pregnant!"
St. Luke’s Medical Center said GMA’s cervical spine surgery lasted four grueling hours. Asked to describe the ordeal, the former president said, "It was a breast-taking experience!"
When your balls are slapping up against her ass or pussy…
YOU are IN……….
** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy MIKE.
Nakahiga si Juan sa aisle ng sinehan. Sinita ng guard, ayaw tumayo.
GUARD:Sirbakit kayo nakahiga dyan? Saan ba kayo galing?
ANAK:Tay, gusto nyo po bang makatipid?
ANAK:Eh di ibili nyo po ako ng BIKE para di po mabilis maupod ang aking TSINELAS!
Inistart ng driver ang taxi pero di pinaandar.
DRIVER:d2 napo tayo!
LASING3:Pre nxt time bagalan mo takbo!
TANONG: Saan daw kumakain ang mga SCIENTIST?
SAGOT: Eh di sa PERIODIC TABLE!
Juan: Wag po please!
MULTO: K fine. madali naman ako kausap.
BEN: I want to be a lawyer
TROY: I want to be a doctor
NENE: I want to have many children
NOEL: I want to help NENE.
TANONG: Anong sabi ng UTOT sa TAE?
SAGOT: Pare, una na ako ha?
USE IN A SENTENCE:
Opinion-Papasok ka sa pinto kung OPINION.
Violet-I lost my phone, di bale, I’ll VIOLET.
Continue-Kahapon, ang dami-dami nyo. Bat ngayon ang CONTINUE.
Dedicate-Pag ginamitan mo yan ng glue, for sure DEDICATE yan.
Ang lalake, parang alak. Pag sinusuka na, di na kaya.
Ang girl, parang kape. Tinatapon pag di na hot
“Ang maghintay sa taong hindi ka kayang mahalin ay katumbas ng paghihintay na TUMAMIS ANG ASIN.”