SMS Jokes 2011-231

** Courtesy of Mike

Tanong: Saan byahe ng Victory Liner?
Sagot: Baguio!

Tanong: Saan byahe ng G-Liner?
Sagot: Quiapo!

Tanong: Saan byahe ng Panty Liner?
Sagot: Sa langit!

Pacman and Paris
Cong. Pacman had dinner with heiress Paris Hilton Tuesday night. Sources say Pacman discussed his stance on poverty, reproductive health, divorce and religion. The heiress was surprised. Pacman has more POSITIONS than her.

GIRL: "I’m a natural blonde."
MAN: "Show me pussy proof."

WIFE: "You say I look old but one of your friends still praises me!"
HUSBAND: "Must be Juan!"
WIFE: "Yes, but how did you know?"
HUSBAND: "He is a junk dealer."

Facebook Tips for Men:
When a girl accepts your Friend Request, It means she accepted your FRIENDSHIP, not your PROPOSAL.

When a girl sends you a Friend Request.. It means she wants to be your FRIEND and not your GIRL FRIEND.

When she comments on your posts… It mean she’s just being SOCIAL and not FLIRTING.

So, respect FRIENDSHIP and don’t start searching for RELATIONSHIP.

Ang BABAE parang Barbie yan.
pwede mong pag LARUAN, at pag naluma na..
pwedeng itapon at ipamigay.
. . . PERO ETO ANG TANDAAN MO!
Ang tunay na lalaki, hindi naglalaro ng Barbie.

"My wife looked a little under the weather, so I tried to take her temperature with my meat thermometer. Gumaling kaagad!"

Ang relasyon ay kadalasan
pinamumunuan ng babae..
.
.
Kapag may gulo ang relasyon,
ang kadalasan may kasalanan ay babae..
.
.
IBANG BABAE!

Sana ang paghahanap ng Girlfriend/Boyfriend ay parang "Google Search"

Hindi mo pa tapos ang tinatype mo,
Marami ng suggestions 😀

In Japan, 2 Filipino OFWs, Juan & Pedro are stranded at an emergency shelter.
REPORTER: "How are you two doing here?"
JUAN: "Our problem here is water. I haven’t washed my brief since the quake. It’s like Casette Tape now, today I use Side A, tomorrow Side B."
REPORTER: "How about you?"
PEDRO: "The same, no water. My brief is like a Blockbuster-Movie."
REPORTER: "Why Blockbuster-Movie?"
PEDRO: "Now on it’s 2nd week!"

The strong became weak..
The genius became stupid..
The speechless became talkative..
The conservative became flirty..
And it happened because of one thing..

LASING 😀

5 DEADLY TERMS WOMEN USED:
1. FINE – this is the word women used to end an argument when they know they are RIGHT & you need to SHUT UP.
2. NOTHING – means SOMETHING & you need to be WORRIED.
3. GO AHEAD – this is a dare, not a permission, do not do it.
4. WHATEVER – is a woman’s way of saying SCREW YOU.
5. THAT’S OK – she’s thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

TEACHER: "Class! Ano ang kaibigan para sa inyo?"
STUDENT1: "kasama in good & bad times."
STUDENT2: "sabihan ng secrets po."
TEACHER: "tama kaung lahat. oh Juan, ano ang kaibigan para sau?"
JUNA: "KAIBIGAN?? Yan ung pinaka nakaka insultong tinawag saken ng taong mahal ko" 🙁

This is the truth about makeup..
When you’re young, you don’t need it.
When you’re old, it doesn’t do any good!

Today’s Wedding & Facebook Effect:
PRIEST: "Do you agree to change your FB status from single to married?"
MAN: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
GIRL: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
PRIEST: "Congrats! You are now husband and wife.You may now TAKE the bride. And don’t forget to TAG me in the wedding pictures!"

James: "I can’t tell if I should fuck my ex-wife or not."
Tom: "Just fap on it (masturbate before making decision about women), then you will know."

GUY: "Are you a Captain?"
GIRL: "No!"
GUY: "Cause my Privates are under your command!"

Church Bulletin:
Wednesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, come early.

Boss: "What is the Difference Between a Key & a Panty?"

Secretary (feeling shy):
Key :INSERT & OPEN,
Panty: OPEN & INSERT.

JO: "I love you, Mike, your my bestest penis ever!"
MIKE: "Jo, sweetheart, you need to stop talking directly to my penis, I’m here too."
JO: "Shhhhhhh! Mike and I are talking, can’t you see that!"

Did you know that P. E. N. I. S. is an acronym?…
P-aternal
E-gg
N-ourishing
I-nsertion
S-ystem

Why Guitars Are Better Than Women:
1. A guitar has volume control.
2. You can unplug a guitar.
3. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested.
4. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar.
5. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset.
6. You can finger a guitar without it complaining it wants more.
7. If your guitar’s G-string breaks, it’s cheap.

Concrete evidence..
A female student was caught by U. P. Police making love to the Oblation.
Q1: Was a crime committed? Yes, statutory rape.
Q2: Can she be convicted? Yes, there is concrete evidence

oOo

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