SMS Jokes 2011-233

**Courtesy of Mike

Ang babaing mabait, talo ng maganda.
Ang babaing maganda,talo ng ma-appeal.
Ang babaing ma-appeal,talo ng sexy.
Pero ang babaing mabait, maganda, ma-appeal at sexy ay talo,
ng malandi!

Isang umaga, nagkita ang 3 magkakaibigan..
TIN: “Alam nyo, ang dami umihì ng lolo ko. Isang pag-ihi, isang tabo.”
JANE: “Wala yan sa lolo ko. Isang pag-ihi, isang timba.”
NANCY:” Malayo ang lolo nyo sa lolo ko! (biglang dating ng kapatid na umiiyak) Bakit ka umiiyak Boy?”
BOY: “Ate, umuwi ka na! Si lolo, nalunod sa ihi niya!”

This is the medical bulletin the Arroyo family didn’t allow St. Luke’s Global to release: "After all the attempts to correct Madame Gloria M. Arroyo’s spine, we had to accept the reality that she is naturally crooked."

A Woman Is Completely Harmless and Doesn’t Believe In Violence..
Until Her Nail polish Gets Dry.

Little girl to mother:
– Is it true the stork brings babies?
– Yes.
– Is it true Santa brings presents?
– Yes.
– So what do we need dad for?

Revised Edition
GIRL: "Nakakainis!"
BOY: "Bakit ano problema?"
GIRL: "Nasira kasi yung Ipad ko, di tuloy ako makapaglaro ng ANGRY BIRD!"
BOY: "Yun lang… madali lang yan!"
GIRL: "Talaga?… kaya mong gawin yung Ipad ko?"
BOY: "Hindi… pero pwede mong laruin yung BIRD ko… kasi kanina pa siya ANGRY eh!"

GUY: "How many bones do you have in your body?"
GAL: "Uhh I don’t know, 206?"
GUY: "Do you want one more?"

Ang sarap talagang magBate…
Lalo na’t matagal na kayong magkaaway… di ba? di ba? 😀

A wife is in a coma & the nurse is giving her a sponge bath. The nurse accidentally touches woman’s vagina & her EEG moved. The nurse tries it again & EEG moves again so she tells the husband that a little "oral sex" might probably bring his wife out of her coma & she left locking door behind them.
After a while, wife flatlined.
The nurse rushes back into room asking,"What happened?"
He says, "I don’t know… Maybe she choked!"

A dying man in d desert had 2 wishes in the next life.. That he has plenty of water to drink & to see a woman’s ass daily. After he died he became a toilet bowl!

Ever wonder why there are so many Koreans here?
They feel welcome. . . find life simple, the cost of living cheap.
They even think our national hero is part Korean…
the first thing they see in Luneta is Rizal PARK.

Judy said to Vicky over breakfast, "Last night, I went to bed with this professor of Romance languages at Diliman. I experienced the best oral sex I have ever had. He was a truly CunningLinguist."

PAG GIRLS,
GIRL1: "Ang ganda mo naman!"
GIRL2: "Thank you, pareho lang naman tayo"

PAG BOYS,
BOY1: "Ang gwapo mo naman.."
BOY2: "Bakla ka ba?"

In the middle of love making during the wedding night, the husband suddenly stopped, pulled away from his bride and said, "Do you think if I lick your boobs it’ll confuse them and they’ll start making milk?"

A friend asked a wife whose husband recently came home from a work project in the U. S.
FRIEND: “Did you have sex with Mike?”
JO: "I am sorry. I just can’t remember."
FRIEND: "So you are telling me you have Cock AMNESIA?"

Message From GLOBE TELECOM in the year 2021
.
.

‘Dear Customer,
Your wife can become a mother without laboring, just type "CHILD" and sent to 2331.’

One time a boyfriend couldn’t get girlfriend’s bra undone. Jokingly she said, "Did your ex never wear bras?" He replied, "No, we never wore clothes.”

oOo

 

safe sex

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