SMS Jokes 2011-234

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Sa classroom:

TITSER: “Juan! Paano mo nagawang i-perfect ang exam, huh?”
JUAN: “Oh bilib ka na Mam! MATA ko pa lang ginamit ko dyan ha! Paano pa kaya kapag UTAK ko na? Oha!”

Para sa Kalalakihan:
yung feeling na…
ang hirap i-shoot sa inidoro yung ihi mo..
dahil paggising mo ang tigas ni TITI mo! 😛

BAKLA: “pagnamatay ako ano ang gagawin mo?
BOYLET: “mamatay rin ako.
BAKLA: “e bakit?” (nagblush)
BOYLET: “wala nang magbibigay ng pera sakin kung patay kana, wala na akong makakain.”

Lovers making love..
GF: “Alam mo, ikaw lang nagpakama sa akin!”
BF: “Swerte ko naman!”
GF: “Oo naman! Kasi yung iba sa sala, kalan, lababo, kubeta, damuhan, atbp.!”

GIRL: “hindi ko nagustuhan yung ginawa mo sakin kanina sa sinehan!”
BOY: “bakit? hindi naman po kita hinalikan huh..!!”
GIRL: “yun nga hindi ko nagustuhan ee!”

One day, a man is walking down the street, sees 2 brothers who were old neighbors and asks one of them, “So are you married?” The brother replies, “No, I’m gay.” The man is stunned, he turns to the other and asks, “Are you married?” The other brother replies, “Nope, I’m gay too.”

The man surprised asks, “Does anyone in your family like women?!” The 2 reply, “Yep, our sister!”

“One night while sitting on the couch with his wife, the husband suddenly put his hand on her boobs, sighed and said, “I’m home. Home is where the boob is.

While swimming in a pool, a gal decided to initiate some sexy time. She took off her guy’s trunks and the top of her bikini. But he stopped her saying, “The water will go up into your pussy and fill your stomach!”

A kid ask his pregnant mom
“anu nasa tiyan mu?”
Mom answered: “kapatid mo”
KID: “lab mo sya?”
MOM: “oo”
KID: “e bat mo kinaen?”

Para sa mga Kalakihan..
“Ang magjakol ay di biro,
maghapong nagbabayo,
dun sa sulok ng kwarto,
nagpaparaos ng patago.”

DIFFERENCE:
Anong pinagkaiba ng car at babae kapag flat?
Kapag ang car ay flat binababaan mo, samantalang ang babae kapag flat, sinasakyan mo… Ok?

TATAY: “Boy, bakit may blackeye ka?”
BOY: “Tay, sinapak ako ng best friend ko.”
TATAY: “Dapat sinangga mo na kamay mo, may hawak ka ba nung sinapak ka?
BOY: “Meron po.”
TATAY: “Ano yun?”
BOY: “Yung suso at pekpek ng shota niya.”

Men are the best chefs.
Imagine
With just two eggs and a little bit of milk.
He fills a girl’s tummy for nine months!

Bagong Kasabihan:
Kung may kaaway ka, huwag mong ipagdasal na may mangyayaring masama sa kanya o ano pa.. bad un!

Ikaw na lang mismo gumawa para SURE! 🙂

BINYAG..
PARI: “Ano ang pangalan ng bata?”
Tatay: “Surf po!”
PARI: “Hindi pwede yan, pangalan yan ng sabon.”
TATAY: “Eh, bakit yung asawa ko Perla… Tapos ako Ariel?”
PARI: “O siya… Surf na kung Surf!”

Parang May Sira Cellphone ko
Pag Pinipindot Ko Yung Menu Heto Lumalabas..
Goto. . . . . . . . 20.00
Lugaw. . . . . 15.00
Siopao. . . . . .20.00
Mami. . . . . . . . 15.00
Pancit. . . . . . . . 25.00

A Woman is like Blue Tooth,
You are next to her,
she stays connected,
you go away,
she finds new device.

A Man is like Wi-Fi,
many devices can connect to him at a time!

GIRL: “Mamatay na sana lahat ng malalandi sa mundo!”
GUY: “Bakit may pera ka na bang panlibing mo?”

Ano ba tayo?
Bakit pag BABAE, ang tawag FIANCE..
samantalang, pag BADING, FINANCIER?

ANAK: “Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno.”
NANAY: “Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit ako na ang bahala sa impierno!”

DALAGA NG MALASING
BUNTIS NG MAGISING.

Isang letter…
Dear Guys who wear tight jeans:
We can’t breath.
With warm regards,
YOUR BALLS

**Courtesy of Mike

 

oOo

“Monkey see, monkey do.”

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