Monday Humor

**Courtesy of Kups

Attitude of Boys
Nanliligaw pa lang: “Pwede ba kitang ihatid?”
Naging sila na: “So pwede na kitang ihatid everyday?”
3-6 months na sila: “Sige na nga, ihahatid na kita!”
6 months – 1 year: “Hatid pa ba kita?”
1 year up: “Text mo na lang ako pag naka uwi ka na.”

Girl 1 : “I call my BF, HONEY, mahilig siya sa matamis!”
Girl 2 : “I call my BF, BOTE.”
Girl 1 : “Mahilig uminom?”
Girl 2 : “Nope, parang bote, may leeg pero walang utak .”

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QUESTION: In which place do women’s hair grows VERY THICK and VERY CURLY???
ANSWER: AFRICA

What is MISUNDERSTANDING??
It is when a girl declares that:”Break na tayo!”
And the boy answered: “Sige nagugutom na rin ako eh”

QUESTION: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
ANSWER: Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

On their wedding night, both husband and wife were claiming virginity
WIFE: “If it was your first time, then how did you do so well?”
HUSBAND: “And if this was your first time how did you know that I did so well?”

A Guy picks up a girl 4 the date,
BOY: “Why are you wearing your belt around your knee?”
GIRL: “I promised my mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my belt.”

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Fifa has decided that girls should be goalkeepers for the world cup, because no matter how wide they open, they never let the balls go in.

“Ang pag-untog ng ulo sa pader ay di nanganga-hulugang ito’y gawain ng isang baliw …minsan, ito ay paraan ng pagkuha ng lakas at pandagdag buhay.”SUPER MARIO

3 good manners of male penis.
1)Courteous-it stands before performing.
2)Emotional-it cries during the performance.
3)Polite-it bows down after the performance.

A girl wears sleeveless dress every time. On right arm she writes ‘C’ and on left arm ‘L’.
friend asks: what does it mean? She said: “COOL.”

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving!"

MAX:”Bahay ng lolo ko P2M!”
JOSE:”Sa lolo ko P10M!

JUAN:Bubong ng lolo ko, P200M na!”
MAX:”Wow saan ba bahay ng lolo mo?”
JUAN:”Sa ilalim ng tulay!”

MR:”Bakit anlaki ng PLDT bill natin eh work phone gamit ko?”
MRS:”Ako din work phone gamit ko!”
INDAY:”Wow, lahat pala tayo work phone ginagamit! “

MRS:”Honey, bakit dati palagi mo akong hinahalikan sa leeg pero ngayon, hindi na?”
MR:”Syempre naman honey, dati kasi may leeg ka pa!”

GURO:”Class, narito ang 2 ibon: 1 pipit at 1 maya. Maaari nyo bang ituro kung alin ang pipit?”
JUAN:”Mam, ang pipit ay yun pong katabi ng maya!”

BOSS:”Okay kang sekretarya pero bakit di mo sinasagot kapag nagri-ring ang telepono?”
TEKLA:”Sir, tuwing sasagutin ko po kasi, kayo hinahanap!”

MRS:”Dok malubha ba lagay ng mister ko?”
DOK:”Tingin ko’y patay na sya!

MR:(gumalaw) “Dok buhay pa ako!”
MRS:”Sshh! Ba’t marunong ka pa sa doktor?”

 

oOo

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