SMS Jokes 2011-241

**Courtesy of Mike

MARIA: "Mare, pautang naman ng P200!"
PETRA: "Mare, P100 ang dala ko."
MARIA: "Ah, sige, isang daan lang muna…
… Basta ha, may utang ka pa sa akin na P100."

Ang lalake…
kapag nagandaham sa blouse mo, tinitingnan nya ang suso mo,
kapag nagandahan sa pantalon mo, tinitingnan nya ang pwet mo,
at kapag nagandahan sa sapatos mo, putris bading yun!

Ang Lalaking Matagal Maligo,
Naglalaro Ng Angry Bird.

ANAK: "Tay paano magiging maligaya ang isang lalake?"
TATAY: "Mag-asawa ka ng babaeng mahal mo, mag-asawa ka ng babaeng magaling sa kama, mag-asawa ka ng babaeng mayaman, at siguraduhin mong hindi sila magkikita-kitang tatlo."

BOY: "Breakfast tayo."
GIRL: "Hina mo naman, dapat dinner."
BOY: "Hindi breakfast talaga para mapakain ko sayo itlog ko."

St. Luke’s..
NURSE: "Akala ko, spine operation lang kay GMA. Bakit pati ang mukha inopera nyo?"
DR: "Request nya yan."
NURSE: "Bakit?"
DR: "Pinanipis lang ng konti, masyado na makapal."

FM’s downfall was due to KBL
K-asalanan ng
B-abaeng taga
L-eyte!

GMA’s downfall maybe due to KAMPI
K-asalanan ng
A-sawang
M-ike alyas
P-idal na inako ni
I-ggy!    

BOY: "Hi miss, may boyfriend kana?"
GIRL: (wow ang gwapo!) "Wala.
BOY: "Ako meron!! Beh!"

Store Policy:
MAN: "I’d like to buy some dog food."
SALESLADY: "Do you have a dog?"
MAN: "Yes.
SALESLADY: "Where is he?"
MAN: "He’s at home."
SALESLADY: "I’m sorry, I can’t sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy."

The next day, the man returns.

MAN: "I’d like to buy some cat food."
SALESLADY: "Do you have a cat?"
MAN: "Yes."
SALESGIRL: "Well.. where is it?"
MAN: "He’s at home!"
SALESLADY: "Sorry, I can’t sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat. Store policy."

The next day, the man returns.

SALESLADY: "What’s in the sack?"
MAN: "Put your hands inside."
SALESLADY: "Hmmm… It’s warm and moist! What is it?"
MAN: "I would like to buy some toilet paper."

Signs He’ll Be Bad In Bed
1. He still sleeps in a single bed.
2. He has bad breath.
3. When he kisses you, the only part of his body that moves is his tongue.
4. He can’t maintain eye contact with you.
5. He never misses a day of working out.
6. You’ve been out with him four times and he hasn’t made a move.
7. He constantly brags about his sexual prowess.
8. He checks out his reflection in store windows.

Ang pagpili ng kaibigan ay dapat alinsunod sa probisyon ng Republic Act 9003: Ihiwalay ang PLASTIC at ibukod ang BULOK sa DI-NABUBULOK!

DAMOVES:
GIRL: "Hoy, anong pinagsasabi mong may gusto ako sayo."
BOY: ………..
GIRL: "Sagutin mo nga ako!!"
BOY: "Ok sige, sinasagot na kita. Tayo na!!"

P-NOY: "Handa akong mamatay para lang sa inyo, mga boss ko…"
GMA: "SAMPLE! SAMPLE! SAMPLE!"

Couple consulted sex therapist re-erectyl dysfunction. After many tests they discovered cause. She was washing his underwear with Stay Soft Fabric Conditioner!

"Hindi lahat ng dugo pwedeng i-donate.." –REGLA

BOY1: "alam nyo pre, ang lola ko, 80 years old na, tinutubuan pa ng itim na buhok."
BOY2: "Wala yan sa lola ko, ang lola ko, 85 years old na, pero tinutubuan pa ng ngipin."
BOY3: "Ang lola ko naman, 90 years old na, pero nasa ospital ngayon."

BOY1 & BOY2: "50-50 na yan, ano pala nangyari sa lola mo?"
BOY3: "Andun, nanganganak."
BOY1 & BOY2: "Waah! Eh bakit andito ka? Sino nagbabantay?"
BOY3: "Yung lola din nya."

You know why they say eating oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything? :*

Kung nakatitig sayo ang isang babae, dalawa lang ang ibig sabihin nito!!
It’s either, interesado sya sa yo…
or
dahan dahan syang umuutot.

BOY: "Alam mo pagnakikita kita, gusto ko maging PULIS…"
GIRL: "Ha? Bakit?"
BOY: "Kasi gusto kitang PUTUKAN."

BOY: "Miss may problema ako."
GIRL: "Anong problema mo?"
BOY: "Tumitigas ang BIRD ko nagiging makakalimutin ako."
GIRL: "Paano kita matutulungan sa problema mo?"
BOY: "Anong problema?"

 

 

oOo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *