**Courtesy of MIKE
LASING1: "Pare! bibilhin ko ung MOA at LRT bukas.”
LASING2: "Ayala malls at MRT bibilhin ko eh.”
LASING3: "PLDT, MERALCO, BPI, ROBINSON’S bibilhin ko bukas!"
LASING4: "Kakapal ng mga mukha nyo! Sino may sabing binebenta ko ung mga yun?"
A BLACK candidate won the Miss World Title. Rumors say DOTC Secretary is protesting the results!
Coincidence? Last Tuesday when a black woman won the Miss Universe title, Jejomar Binay announced his plan to run for president in 2016!
Theme Songs Ng Ilang VIPs:
P-Noy – Mr. Lonely
IGGY ARROYO – He ain’t heavy… he’s my brother.
MANONG CHAVIT – This land is mine
FG MIKE – One day I’ll fly away
ROSEBUD – Do not forsake me…
SEN. PING – Behh.. buti nga..
Back stage sa Ms. Universe…
CHINA: "Congratulations, Ms. Angola!"
ANGOLA: "Thank you Ms. China! You like my crown?"
CHINA: "Of course, go check what’s written on it."
Ms. Angola takes off her crown and read the words engraved underneath: MADE IN CHINA.
BOY: "Palay ka ba?"
BOY: "Ang sarap mu kasing bayuhin!"
BOY: "Hindi naman ako lasing kagabi ah!"
FRIEND: "Ahh… Ganun ba?
Kaya pala nasa pool ka at hinahanap mo si NEMO!
At tinanong mo girlfriend mo kung single sya!
At tinawagan mo sarili mo at nagalit ka nung binabaan mo ang sarili mo!
Pumunta ka pa sa cabinet ko at sumigaw ka ng "PUTRIS ASAN ANG NARNIA?!"
Pagkatapos binato mo ang pusa ko at sumigaw ka ng "GO PIKACHU!"
at niyakap mo isang matanda na may puting bigote habang umiiyak ka at sinabing "GANDALF NAGBALIK KA!"
Siguro nga di ka lasing!
The doctor tells his patient, "I have good news and bad news…"
PATIENT: Lay it on me, Doc. What’s the bad news?"
DOC: "You have Alzheimer’s disease."
PATIENT: "Good heavens! What’s the good news?"
DOC: "You can go home and forget about it!"
Ang Tunay na Babae marunong
… MANLALAKE pero di NAGPAPAHULi.
NEW NEWTON’S LAW:
"For every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot.
They are usually called "HUSBAND" and "WIFE!"
LOLA: "Ineng palimos naman.."
GIRL: "Lola, bakit po dalawa lata nyo?"
LOLA: "Ineng, as a businesswoman, we should think on more ways on how to develop our business. That’s why instead of associating the money I got for my daily expenditures, I invested it by putting up another branch."
(astig si lola)
Teacher tinawag si Juan.
TEACHER: "Juan, please use the word "fact" in a sentence."
JUAN: (thinks deeply) "Ma’am as matter of FACT, birds can’t fly without FACT FACT."
GIRL: "Kamusta naman buhay mo?"
BOY: "Eto kinakamusta ako!"
BOY: "Pwede bang manligaw?"
GIRL: "Kiss muna!"
BOY: “Bigay ka ng joke!”
GIRL : “Ang gwapo mo!”
“Ang bagyo parang regla lang yan, kapag malakas ang buhos WALANG PASOK!”
“Madaling hanapin ang swerte, sa marunong dumiskarte.” – Pusang Gala