**Courtesy of Mike
STUDENT: "Hello sir, bumabaha sa labas tanong ko lang kung may pasok ba?"
TITSER: "Syempre may pasok… hindi pa lagpas ulo eh… hanggang dibdib pa lang!"
Sabi ng MERALCO, may liwanag ang buhay.
Pero bakit nung nakita namin ung bill, nagdidilim paningin namin?
Kung humahaba lang siguro ang ilong ng tao every time na magsisinungaling…
walang ng taong PANGO!
Sabi ng isang boy sa girlfriend niya:
"kung mahal mo talaga ako,
kahit magaway tayo ng sobra,
kahit ipagpalit man kita sa iba,
huwag mo sana akong babarilin sa Suicide Mall (SM)”.
Pick-up Line Ng Bading:
BAKLA: “Shamcey ba name mo?”
CUTE GUY:” Bakit?”
FRIENDS are like BRAS…
Close to the HEART
and always there for
2 friends talking:
FRIEND1: "Hey, I got married."
FRIEND2: "Oh, that’s good!"
FRIEND1: "Oh, that’s bad, she’s ugly!"
FRIEND2: "Oh, that’s bad."
FRIEND1: "Oh, That’s good. She’s rich!"
FRIEND2: "Oh! That’s good!"
FRIEND1: "Oh, That’s bad! She won’t give me a cent!"
FRIEND2: "Oh, that’s cd!"
FRIEND1: "No, that’s good! She bought me a big house!"
FRIEND2: "Oh, that’s good."
FRIEND1: "No, that’s bad! The house burnt down!"
FRIEND2: "Oh, that’s bad!"
FRIEND1: "No, that’s good! She was inside!"
The Taliban are from Jamaica.
They love bananas. (come Mr. TALIBAN, tally me banana, day light come & we wanna go home. (Day-o, day-o)
Kinakanta mo, no?
One day the teacher was talking about marriage in class.
TEACHER: "What kind of wife do you like Johnny?"
JOHNNY: "I want a wife like the moon."
TEACHER: "Wow what a choice. Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like d moon?"
JOHNNY: "No, I want her to come only at night & disappear in the morning."
ABS-CBN: "Aling Dionisia would you change your religion just to marry the one you love?"
ALING DIONISIA: "Yes of course! its only a religion, if the one i love is from ilocos sur and i am from gen san, i can move from religion 11 to religion 1. Pag ibig na ang pinag uusapan dito. Ano ba naman kung malipat kang religion kung masaya ka naman!"
An 8-year old was asked "What is the proper age to get married?"
"84! Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
Matapos ang dinner sa isang resto…
ITALIAN: "Deliziosa cena!"
FRENCH: "Delicieux diner!"
KANO: "Such a delicious dinner!"
PINOY: "Pakibalot ito!"
A Nigerian girl got married to a chinese man & had a baby boy who eventually died. At the burial, her aunty came crying, saying "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! Curious relatives took the aunt to a corner and asked her what she knew. She said loudly, I KNEW IT, CHINA PRODUCT THEY DON’T LAST..
Malalaman mong gumagaling na ang sugat pag kumakati na ito…
Kaya kung heartbroken ka malalaman mong gumagaling kana pag..
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s her boobs are like melons, round & firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. … After 50, they are like onions".
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?"
The mother smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes — dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration!"
AMO:"Hoy Inday, bakit nakasayad ang daliri mo sa pinatimpla kong kape sa iyo?"
INDAY:"Okay lang po ate, di naman masyadong mainit!"